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How you Can Have the Best Internet Dating Experience

2009-03-12T16:12:00.000+07:00

What to watch out for in a perspective date

In order for you to have the best internet dating experience that is possible, you should be aware of a few scams that may be tried out on you that are popular with con artists you may encounter on many unsecured and free internet dating sites.

One of the most popular involves getting you to part with your money. Beware of a person asking for money no matter what the reason. To have the best internet dating experience, you need to value yourself and know that someone with honest intentions would never ask a person they did not know for money.

Beware of a person that seems just too good to be true because in reality they probably are. Many spouses are looking for extra marital relationships and will say just about anything to attract potential partners. To ensure you have the best internet dating experience, do some research about the site you intend to use and check if there has been any fraud associated with it.

Create a profile to enable you to have the best internet dating experience

To have the best internet dating experience not just for you, but for your prospective dates as well, you are best advised to create a profile that is truthful. Just as you don’t want to be lied to neither does your intended date. They want to have the best internet dating experience too.

Though you may want to present potential dates with a photograph that shows you to your best advantage in order to have the best internet dating experience, provide a recent photo of yourself and not one of you in your long ago prime. Nothing is worse than expecting one thing and being unprepared to see a person who is overweight that has posted a picture of them as slim and trim.

Be sure you tell your correct age, height and weight and be truthful about your relationship status. Posting a recent photo of yourself is said to increase your responses by at least 50%. You should also state in your profile exactly what it is you are looking for, whether it is a long term relationship, or just to find a date with which to have some fun.

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How to Write an Effective Online Profile

2009-03-12T16:11:00.000+07:00

If you've ever looked for love on the Web, you already know that the key to online dating success is an excellent profile -- one that presents you in your best light while giving would-be suitors a glimpse of what it'll take to win your heart. Easier said than done. Why not turn to the pros who have researched the online dating world and know what works -- and what doesn't? In I Can't Believe I'm Buying This Book: A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating, author Evan Marc Katz includes strategies on how to write a terrific online personal ad, and he even offers samples.

When consulting with Internet daters, I take great pains to try to help people spruce up their profiles.
There are usually a bunch of things that can be altered, but most folks have a large blind spot when it comes to writing about themselves honestly, objectively and eloquently. Not only that, but very often the most articulate online daters write whatever comes out of their hearts without thinking of the effect their words are going to have on the reader.

I have deconstructed different profiles and attempted to analyze why I think they succeed.
I took examples from all different demographics, men and women, twenties to sixties, to illustrate that as long as a person writes with a distinct voice the content can vary, but the result will still be positive. What works for one person does not necessarily work for everybody, but the general principles remain the same.

Use specifics.
Be sincere and honest. Write like you talk. Show your personality. If you make jokes, make them tasteful, self-deprecating or sarcastic, and do so with caution. Figure out what makes you different from everyone else, and use it to your advantage. Again, stay away from generic adjectives and focus more on proper nouns and stories.

If you're going to be wordy, have something interesting to say.
Stay consistently positive and confident without seeming annoying and arrogant. Be proud of who you are and wear it confidently in your language and tone. Don't give anyone a reason to say no to you. No red flags, no obvious baggage, no glaring insecurities, no diatribes about past relationships, no spelling mistakes, no superficial wish list about money or looks.

You should have fun writing your profile. If you have fun writing it, the reader will likely have fun reading it.

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How to Write a Great Profile for Internet Dating

2009-03-05T11:57:00.000+07:00

There are no secrets to writing a great online dating profile, just common sense and honesty. No matter what your age, height, income or weight, they are what they are and will not change, at least not in the short term. However, they will all have a big influence on your initial contact success rate.

The majority of folks, who use Internet dating sites, have probably been doing so for a while.
Consequently, they are very adept at separating the wheat from the chaff. They do that by looking in-depth at some of the other information on your profile, which is where you can tell the full truth and still stand out.

Just about everybody, have some attributes that make him or her worth getting to know better.
Let yours out and you will attract a larger pool of equally interesting prospects. After all, your friends must think you are attractive, perhaps in a deeper sense than just looks, otherwise they would not be your friend, would they.

A Photo is a Must

The odds of getting any contact at all reduce sharply if you do not supply a photograph.
Most folks are initially attracted by appearance although that does not have to be a negative. Here you have your first chance to stand out. Most folks are not models or movie stars, yet they can still present themselves in the best light.

Many online dating photos are dark, fuzzy, taken at odd angles.
Let them see you. Dress as you would on that first date, which is hopefully better than just kicking-around-on-a-Saturday clothes. Smile, but avoid looking full of yourself.

The Attraction of Confidence

Even among the online dating crowd where some folks turn because they are shy or harder to get to know, self-confidence is the key.
However, you can let them know that you are ready to see and be seen without coming off like a jerk or jerkette. Lead with your strengths, but provide an honest assessment without boasting.

Write Intelligently

You do not have to be a professional to put down words in the form of a grammatical sentence.
See, those English classes turned out to be useful after all. There is a huge range of personal options within the category of style. But, folks who use dating sites are more likely to be better educated, whether that is college or self-taught. Sometimes, the latter are actually more knowledgeable.

If you write like someone who never left third grade,
The odds are high that you will get another person just like the one you did not like the last time. Let your native smarts show, without being showy.

Finally, remember - desperation has the worst odor of all.
Be prepared to lose a few in order to win the best ones. It is possible to push without being pushy. Show your natural gifts and self-developed accomplishments. Those who are like-minded are seeking you, as well, you know.

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How to Safely Meet Strangers from a online dating chat.

2009-03-05T11:55:00.000+07:00

You are ready to meet somebody online, that is ready for Online Dating! That means you are not seeing anybody but only talking. Make it an interesting and safe experience.

Use email and the telephone to ask open ended questions and get the other person to share information about himself/herself. In other words, after asking "What kind of work do you do"?, ask "Why do you like that kind of work? What led you into that field?"

Gently interview the other person. Explain to him/her that you don't wish to "pry" into their life, but you feel there are definite possibilities for getting acquainted and you want to be very thorough in this preliminary stage.

Dating over the internet or phone over a longer period of time is better so that you can get to know the person better and who what their temperament, personality, character is like. Meeting up with someone you met only a couple of times doesn't give you their full spectrum of personality traits.

Do not promise a date or a meeting until you have had at least five fifteen minute or longer conversations by phone in advance of suggesting a personal meeting.

Do not rely only on email or written letters to get acquainted. Use ALL mediums possible. This will give the persona a better idea about your personality, it will bring up different aspects which may not be seen through just one way.

Be "businesslike". Don't arrange a first "date" -- arrange a "meeting", lunch or coffee break with a defined ending time. It should be casual.

When you arrange to meet the other person, leave a trail. Tell a trusted friend or relative who you are meeting, where and what time you're expected back.

Meet in a well lighted, public place which each of you can get to easily.

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How to Meet an Online Love Face-to-Face

2009-03-04T10:34:00.000+07:00

You think you've met your soul mate -- or at least a decent dinner partner -- online. You've warmed up to each other through email and IM, and it's time to kick this thing up a notch.

Here's how to make it work.

Rule 1: You don't know this person.

Yes, yes, you've had three-hour IM conversations and exchanged hundreds of emails. But that doesn't mean you know this person at all. You don't really know what your buddy looks like, sounds like, acts like in person.

He may have a hard time expressing himself face-to-face (see rule #4); you may have thought all those references to "meeting with my lawyers" meant he was a high-powered executive when actually he's deep in a custody battle. (Conversely, your flame may not be ready for you to spring the idea of a perfect future in a four-bedroom colonial on him on the first date.)

Take it slow. If something doesn't seem right, respect -- and respond to -- that feeling. If he asks for your phone number too early in the game, politely explain you'd like to wait a while. "Men generally don't have the same apprehensions about online dating as women have, so they tend to cut to the chase much quicker," says Trish McDermott, Match.com's dating expert. "Let him know that any hesitation isn't about him in particular." And if the first phone call doesn't go well, don't feel pressured to have to meet him in person.

Rule 2: Phone first, then face-to-face.

Even in the absence of red flags, don't jump from email to dining under the stars together in a single bound. Set up at least one or two phone conversations -- more, perhaps, if you two aren't in the same city.

Use these talks as a way to get to know the person better and to judge whether you want to take the relationship to the next step. On the positive side, treat your first phone contact as an actual date, a way to get to know the person better.

See whether the online spark translates into the offline world. "Go all out," Trish advises. "Set up a time when the two of you will each be home and alone. Pamper yourself a bit before the call. Take a long luxurious bath, or work out and then treat yourself to a hot shower. Wear something that makes you feel desirable. Even though your date can't see you, the right ambiance sparks romance."

Rule 3: Play it safe on your first date.

Always, always set up your first date at a highly trafficked public place, at a reasonable time of day -- late afternoon or early evening. "A familiar restaurant or coffee shop is fine, but not at midnight. Never meet at one of your homes or places of employment," Trish says. "Avoid hikes, bike rides or drives in remote areas for the first few dates.

If you decide to move to another location, take your own car. Make sure you end the date while there are still other people present." These precautions don't make you paranoid; they're just common sense. If going to another town to meet your online friend, "Arrange for your own car and a hotel room," Trish says.

"Do not disclose the name of your hotel, and never allow your date to make the arrangements for you. Rent a car at the airport and drive directly to your hotel. Call your date from the hotel or meet at the location you have already agreed to. If the location seems inappropriate or unsafe, go back to your hotel."

Rule 4: Don't put too much pressure on yourself -- or your date.

Planning a first date that's too long is a recipe for failure. "Don't plan an entire day together," Trish says. "Meet for one activity, and keep it at an hour or two." If things go well, there will be plenty of other opportunities to go on an all-day hike or spend hours antiquing through the countryside.

And keep it light: "Stay away from any intense issues or conversations. Don't interrogate your date, but do use this time as an opportunity to learn a bit more." Keep in mind, however, that many guys are more expressive in email than in person.

If Chatty Charlie turns out to be the strong, silent type in person, it doesn't necessarily spell disaster. You might have to work a little harder to draw him out in person. But if he refuses to answer questions, or his behavior makes you at all uncomfortable, take that as a red flag and remove yourself from the situation.

Rule 5: Make a good impression.

As cautious as you need to be, you also want to impress your date -- after all, he could be Mr. Right. If he's an upstanding sort of chap, he'll see your precautions as the signs of a mature, intelligent woman, but you still want to balance that with putting on your best face and behaving in a friendly manner.

(No one's going to ask someone out again if they're openly hostile.) "You make your best real-world first impression by being calmly and confidentially yourself," Trish says. "Try to enjoy the nervous energy you are feeling. Have fun. Remember to smile. People are perceived as more attractive when they are having a good time.

" She says the top attributes that go toward making a good first impression are "warmth, a sense of humor, imagination, confidence, success, fitness, individuality, body language, conversational ability, creativity and kindness." You may not be a perfect 10 in all of those, but you can certainly make sure the areas you are strong in shine. And that's good advice not just for the dating world but for your whole life.

Good luck!

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How to Act on a First Date

2009-03-04T10:31:00.000+07:00

First dates can be intimidating but by following a few simple tips on how to act on a first date, you will not only survive that first meet but also guarantee yourself a second date. All it takes is some careful planning, remaining flexible, being tidy, polite and courteous, being relaxed and honest, being committed to having a good time and sharing about you without monopolizing the conversation.

Careful planning will help you to survive your first date and may lay the groundwork for a second date. Make sure you have planned the date ahead of time and arranged it so that it runs smoothly. On a first date, it is best not to leave anything to chance or to rely on making on the spot decisions about what to do next because doing so can create uncomfortable moments.

Do not just plan what you would like to do on the date but also map out the best routes to arrive at your destinations and pre-arrange any necessary reservations so you do not wind up not being able to find your destination or waiting a long time for an activity.

While careful preparation before the date will ensure that everything runs smoothly and will eliminate any unnecessary tension on the date, you may still need to remain flexible. Regardless of your best efforts, you may suffer a hitch in your plans and being flexible and willing to adapt to the situation will prevent you and your date from becoming frustrated. Your date will be impressed that you went to so much trouble in planning the date and will be flattered by your efforts.

Key characteristics for surviving a first date include tidiness, politeness and courteousness. While these characteristics are important in any dating situation they are particularly important on a first date. This is your opportunity to make a first impression that your date will admire, so go all out in trying to impress him or her.

Put extra effort into your personal appearance and strive to remain polite and courteous at all times. Showing your date that you respect them by taking pride in your appearance and treating them with respect will help you to not only survive a first date but also guarantee a second one.

It is important to be relaxed and honest during your date. If you are tense or evasive, your date may not trust you and will not be comfortable or eager to go on a second date with you. If you try to be something you are not, your date will most likely see through your charade and will be put off by your dishonesty.

In addition, they most likely will not be interested in pursuing a second date. However, if you relax and are completely honest, your personality will shine through and impress your date enough to entice them to be interested in a second meet.

Committing to having a good time will help you to survive a first date and guarantee a second one. If you go into a first date with apprehensions or prejudices, you will find yourself not having a good time. It is extremely difficult to have a good time if you are not open to the experience.

On the other hand, if you are truly optimistic and are looking forward to the day, you and your date will most likely wind up having a great time together. Your optimism and attitude will be infectious and will ensure that you both have a great time on the first date and are eager for a second.

Finally truly being interested in sharing details of your personal life and learning more about your date will ensure that you survive a first date. If you do not open up to your date and show them who you really are, they will most likely not be interested in a second date with your or even sharing much about themselves on the first date. If you are not afraid to share personal information about yourself and are open to listening to what your date has to say, you will have a very successful first date.

Many singles find themselves nervous and apprehensive on a first date because they worry about how they will get through the date and whether or not this first date will lead to future dates. It is okay to be nervous about a first date but following the advice in this article can enable you to not only survive a first date but also guarantee yourself a second one.

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How Singles Can Take Advantage of Valentine's Day

2009-03-03T09:40:00.000+07:00

By Dr. Neil Clark Warren

There's a change in the way single Americans are looking at life. The old ideas about society's expectations are giving way to a new mind-set, to new ideas about managing life's most important decision. In my role as eHarmony founder, I get to touch base with many people who are searching for their life-long mate, and I am often astounded by the not-so-subtle change that is taking place.

The "needing" a mate to survive has become "wanting" a soul mate to create a brilliant, loving relationship. The idea that you can fix a mate once you're married and the relationship is already entrenched is fading, as more people insist on choosing emotionally healthy marriage candidates. And perhaps most importantly, singles are looking for mates who are similar to them in the ways that really matter most for long-term happiness.

Still, many of the singles I talk to dread Valentine's Day. They see it as a reminder that they don't have a special person sharing their life. They see all the romantic celebration around them and feel down and left out.

If you are single, why no celebrate this Valentine's Day in a way that will turn your thinking upside down. Use the day for your own purposes, to celebrate the changes you're making in your search for someone special.

You're Celebrating Your Decision to Select With Care

Most relationships are born based on four or five compatible traits (usually appearance, status, personality and chemistry). Based on my research, I learned that there are 29 critical dimensions in which most happy and successful couples enjoy great similarity. Once you start to learn about these traits, your mate selection process changes forever.

I firmly believe -- and my clinical experience has shown -- that individuals who are well-matched in these 29 areas have more enjoyable marriages. They share so much similarity that the mechanics of living together and loving each other just work well.

By celebrating this change in your thinking, you're virtually guaranteeing that you will never end up in a marriage where the differences between you and your spouse tear the relationship to pieces.

You're Celebrating Your Commitment to Emotional Health

Helping persons find a suitable marriage partner is an extremely complex endeavor, but in the center of all this complexity there is one simple and unchangeable truth -- a great marriage is built by two emotionally healthy individuals.

You may wonder how a person goes about becoming more emotionally healthy. Well, after seeing patients for 35 years, I've been able to draw a strong connection between emotional health and great decision-making. In fact, I believe that emotional health can practically be defined as a person's ability to make great decisions from moment to moment.

Let me repeat that: If you can make great decisions from moment to moment that balance a variety of concerns and input, you are enjoying emotional health.

For many years, my father made practically every decision for me. I was 30 years old. I was living miles away from him. He wasn't telling me what to do per se, but every decision I had to make was based on what I thought my father wanted me to do. He was living in my head, making my decisions for me.

The most important key to making great decisions is making sure that you are the only person in your "control booth." If you will commit on this Valentine's Day to this concept of emotional health, and live each day with an insistence upon making your own decisions, you will be laying the groundwork for a loving, healthy marriage somewhere down the road.

You're Celebrating Your Commitment to In-Depth Knowledge Before You Become Emotionally Involved

As human beings we are, in some ways, at the mercy of our biology. Ending a relationship, even with someone that we know is wrong for us, can be heart-wrenchingly difficult once we become emotionally connected. This quicksand effect has created mountains of misery for many well-meaning couples.

One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is a commitment to getting to know someone well before becoming emotionally attached. By committing on this Valentine's Day to approach every date with your ears wide open and your objectivity in place, you can learn much of what you need to know about a potential partner before you lose your heart to him or her.

You're Celebrating Your Decision to Hold Out for Your Soul Mate

Many people decide that good enough is good enough. They decide that being alone is too painful and settle for the "next" person instead of the "right" person. I believe in the power of your soul mate, and I always encourage people to hold out until they meet that one special person.

This Valentine's Day, I want you to celebrate your refusal to settle. I'd like you to make a list of your top 10 "must have" traits and your top 10 "can't stand" traits. Don't be surprised when you discover how difficult this list is to create. You may have 50 items that you "must have" in a mate, but if you'll commit to a top-10 list, you will have given focus to your search and created a reasonable expectation.

Once they are completed, these two lists are absolute. This Valentine's Day, you are celebrating the power of your "must have's" and "can't stands." From this day forward, you will refuse to even consider a partner who does not fulfill both lists. This is the gold standard, and you will never accept less. As I'm fond of saying, a bad marriage is a million times worse than no marriage at all.

So, on Feb. 14, call some friends, order a pizza, go out on the town, do something special and celebrate the peace of mind you have in knowing that you are changing the way you search for a soul mate. Celebrate, knowing that when you do meet that soul mate, you'll be ready to create a brilliant relationship that will last the rest of your life.

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How Does Online Dating Work

2009-03-03T09:38:00.000+07:00

You have heard folks chatting about it, you have more than likely seen advertisements for online dating services on television but for some reason, you have not yet tried it. Perhaps you are a little nervous or possibly, you do not know a lot about computers and the Internet. Maybe you will think less of yourself if you try to meet someone using technology rather than your own personality.

These concerns are quite understandable, but when you consider that millions of men and women are doing it every day, you have to think that maybe dating on line is not so bad after all.

So, I hear you ask, what is online dating and how does it work?

You first need a means to connect to the Internet, which most people already have so that should not be an issue.

Then using the Internet, you need to find a suitable personals dating website although do not let the word suitable scare you off. As you will see once you get into on line dating, many different dating sites cater to different groups or lifestyles. You will find senior online dating sites, Christian online dating services, single parent online dating, Finnish personals, Oklahoma singles and many more. In fact, there is an online dating community covering every genre you can think of.

Most of the online matchmaking or dating sites are subscription based, meaning that you will have to join before you will be able to participate. It will probably cost you money to join most dating websites but on some, membership is free. The procedure of joining normally does not involve much more than agreeing to the match websites terms and conditions and paying the fee, if applicable.

Once you are a member, the next thing you will need to do is create a profile and a header. Writing an online dating profile is not that difficult and is what other members are going to read. Based on your profile, another person should be able to decide whether you sound like somebody worth pursuing.

An effective profile not only describes you, it also talks about the qualities you are looking for in somebody else. Make it as unique as possible and be certain to proofread it before posting. That way, you can be sure that what it says is actually, what you want it to say. If the site allows members to attach photos to their profiles, you will have to decide if this is something you will want to do. If so, just follow the site's instructions on how to attach the photo to your profile.

Once your profile is posted, you can sit back and wait for others to begin corresponding or you can start checking out other members' profiles. If you find somebody who sounds interesting, you can initiate a conversation.

As well as corresponding via email and the facility to sort and delete your messages, online dating services usually offer other activities that you can partake in. Some sites offer live conversations via a message board or forum, whilst others host special events. Check both out and see whether these activities appeal to you.

Most online dating services are open around the clock so you can 'date' when it is convenient for you. As well as that, new members join all the time so there will always be someone new to check out!

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Guide to Online Dating and Services

2009-03-02T10:26:00.000+07:00

When you think about the ease and convenience of the Internet, it is no surprise that online dating has become the success that it has. After all, the Internet is the first place that many people turn to for shopping, banking, research and a whole host of other activities. Consequently, online matchmaking is really just an extension of those other activities.

Pros and Cons of Online Dating

Online personals are a quick, easy and fun way to meet many people from all over the globe who you would not usually meet up with through traditional dating.

With offline dating, you are more or less limited to dating others from within a certain geographical area.

Dating online is a reasonably safe way to date as well. You do not have to agree to meet someone you have met online until you are ready to. On the other hand, if you are never ready, that is okay too. You can stop communicating with someone any time you are feeling uncomfortable.

When compared to traditional dating, dating online is quite inexpensive. After all, when you date on line, it is not necessary to spend money on a new outfit or an expensive dinner. However, once you find that special someone and you begin dating in the traditional manner, this will definitely change!

Corresponding with potential mates, which in traditional dating is better known as the 'getting to know each other' stage happens in the comfort of your own home and in your pajamas if you so choose. The pressure to make a great first impression is off when you date online and for many people, that is quite a relief.

Perhaps most importantly, people are tired of the traditional dating scene and all the head games and the rejection that go along with it. When people sign up for online dating and services, there is generally no mistaking what they are looking for. Relationships begin online and they end online, but online, putting an end to one, and handling rejection when it happens to you, is much easier!

Cons of Online Dating

Online dating does have its issues and it is important that anyone thinking about dating this way should be aware of the pitfalls. Perhaps most importantly is to accept that not everyone is who he or she claims to be. It is easy to create an identity online which makes it difficult to confirm who is genuine and who is not.

In addition, because it is impossible to really know whom you are dealing with, it is never a good idea to give out personal details, even if you have been communicating for a long time.

Another potential downside is that many online dating services allow their members to post photographs as part of the profile. However, with all the photo enhancing technologies that are available today, there really is no way of knowing whether the photo you are looking at is a true representation of the person you are communicating with or not.

Of course, that can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on how much value you place on looks. If you remember the old saying of 'never judge a book by its cover', this should not be a problem for you.

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Getting Over Being Dumped: Tips for Coping with the End of a Relationship

2009-03-02T10:22:00.000+07:00

From time to time, relationships go badly wrong. Most of us have been abandoned by a partner at some stage ion life. If not then you are very lucky. It is easier to leave someone than be dumped yourself but if you have been left, then you need to take your time and have a period of mourning before dating again. If a major relationship has ended it will take some time to recover and anyone who suggests you just bounce back is a fool as they are not in touch with the reality of the situation.

Do rely on good friends and do find time for yourself but ultimately it is time that will sort things out for you. Distance from the event and plenty of thinking and pondering will help put things in perspective but I will say that it is generally the case that that particular relationship didn't work out because there are far better things in store for you.

If that relationship didn't end, how would you ever go on to meet Mr. or Miss Right?

* Accept what has happened and do not try to win your ex back

* Never go back to someone once they have left you, it won't work

* Take some time out from socializing to get to grips with what has happened

* Make time for yourself to do some thinking

* Never allow your ex to suggest you will both be good friends

* Don't get in touch with, or try and see your ex to sort things out as you are
fooling yourself. Once someone has taken such a major step it is usually for
good

* Remove anything in your apartment that reminds you of them. Have a spring clean

* Do not allow your ex back into your house, it's over

* If you had shared friends, it will be a difficult period. Be prepared that
some people will fall by the way side

* Do rely on your best friends for comfort and they should allow you to talk as
much as you need.

* As soon as you can, come to terms with the loss and realize that you are not
going to be single again forever. That will not happen

* Do everything you can to rebuild your self confidence and demonstrate to
yourself what your ex lost

* Never blame yourself. If someone left you it was purely their decision. If
they couldn't communicate with you prior to the event it was their own failing

* If your ex was unfaithful if has nothing to do with your own bedroom prowess.
More their lack of self-respect

* Though it is a powerful mood, do not harbor grudges and desire revenge too
much. Hurting someone brings you down to their level. The best revenge is in
bouncing back and demonstrating how much they actually lost

* Learn from the failed relationship, not only about yourself but about what you
will never accept again in future dating needs

* Lose the photographs. There is no comfort to be found there

* Do allow yourself to be angry for a short time. In doing so you will feel
empowered to move on

* Being rejected hurts so don't allow anyone to tell you otherwise

* When you are ready do start socializing again even if dating is some way off

* Don't start a new relationship on the rebound, it is highly likely to fail and
you will hurt the new person too

* Hold your head up high and think only of positive things where possible

* Sometimes it is necessary to move location or job to recover. If this is the
case, it will herald a fresh start

* Don't email/phone your ex or look for reasons because you will often be lied
too. They will try and spare your feelings (laughably) by avoiding what they
really think

* Take a vacation if you can and get a wider sense of perspective. This includes
meeting new people and making new friends

* Don't go to your old haunts secretly hoping to run into your ex. That is a
recipe for disaster and will prolong the healing process

* Eventually, do treat yourself and buy new clothes and even change your image
slightly to get a fresh feel for things. A new haircut can do wonders and
instill a new sense of confidence

* Be patient and take your time with anything. Ultimately in the years that
follow you will feel strong and confident and will go on to have a beautiful
relationship. Just thank your lucky stars it wasn't with the fool who just
walked out the door

* Never make rash decisions in the days after being dumped. This is not the time
for clarity of judgment. Your friends will help you.

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Fun First Dates | First Date Ideas

2009-02-27T09:58:00.000+07:00

Once you have found somebody who has agreed to go out on a first date with you, you may find yourself under a lot of pressure in planning that first date.

Planning a first date can be very stressful because you want everything to go without a hitch in order that you can perhaps set yourself up for a second date.

Ideally, the first date offers a couple the chance to get to know each other better in a casual atmosphere that does not put too much pressure on either of them to keep up a constant stream of small talk. If you have any reservations about the conversation aspect of a first date, you can always plan a date that focuses more on an activity than on conversation.

This type of date which focuses on a fun filled activity may be beneficial in leading to a second date. First dates do not have to be stressful and there are many activities that are perfect for whatever type of date you are looking to have.

First Date Ideas

Dinner Theater - The atmosphere in a dinner theater is usually cozy and romantic while at the same time providing the perfect blend of conversation and entertainment. While a traditional dinner date can lead to awkward pauses in the conversation and the stress of juggling dinner and conversation, a dinner theater removes that problem because the meal is usually served during the performance. ]

Consequently, you will be able to eat your meal without having to worry about small talk. During the intervals you can get to know each other and if you have trouble with a conversation starter you can always fall back on talking about the performance.

Museums or Art Galleries - The laid back atmosphere of a museum or art gallery removes the normal pressures of first dates as there is so much to see and do that you will not be lacking things to talk about. You can spend a few hours wandering through the exhibits and really get to know your date. Be sure to ask questions about what your date likes or does not like about the exhibits. Being inquisitive will give you a better understanding of your date’s personality.

Theme Parks - Everybody loves the chance to relive their childhood again and the opportunity to spend a day on thrill rides is a great way to spend a first date. The long queues will give you plenty of time to talk and get to know each other and you may find that every time the conversation starts to dry up, you have made it to the front of the queue and it is your turn to jump on board and enjoy the ride. The exhilaration of thrill rides may loosen inhibitions and bring a first date couple closer together.

Movie and Dinner - If you are nervous about conversation, you may want to try the traditional movie and dinner first date. The movie portion of the date takes the stress of conversation off of your shoulders and afterward at dinner you have an instant conversation starter. If you cannot think of anything to talk about, you can always ask her what she thought of the movie in order to start up a conversation. You may just find that after spending a couple of hours in a movie theater, you already feel a lot closer to your date and conversation will just flow naturally.

Coffee Shop - If conversation is not a problem for you and you are not concerned about keeping a conversation going, a great first date idea would be a coffee shop. The coffee shop environment is such that there is little else to do except talk to your date. This is a perfect scenario for the person who enjoys the art of conversation and is really looking forward to getting to know their date.

Fun Center or Funfair - A trip to a funfair that offers mini-golf and arcade games is another fun first date idea. Engaging in a game of miniature golf or squaring off by playing some video games is a fun and competitive way to spend your first date. The activities are lighthearted and fun and introducing the element of competition really loosens people up so you and your date will probably have an easy time getting to know each other.

The key to a successful first date is to plan activities that are fun and entertaining without placing too much pressure on either party. Finding relaxing ways to get to know your date will ensure that your first date is a no stress event that will quite possibly lead to a second date.

A completely no stress date is one that both parties enjoy and one that allows the couple to engage in a balance of fun and meaningful conversation without putting too much emphasis on any one aspect of the date.

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Five Great Internet Dating Ideas

2009-02-27T09:55:00.000+07:00

If you are really interested in impressing someone you met on an internet dating website, you may want to think about what it is the two of you should do for your first date. Most people meet for coffee and that is fine to see if you are interested in a real date, but if you want to really make an impression, you might want to think of something unique for the two of you to do.

How about a game of pool

Taking your date to play a few games of pool doesn’t mean you have to take them to a bar. This is a terrific internet dating idea. You can visit one of the many pool halls you are sure to find in your area. Many pool halls are classically decorated and cater to a varied crowd. Many serve drinks, have other games to play and serve a variety of food. This can be a casual atmosphere in which you and your date can get to know each other and have some fun.

The finest restaurant in town

You are sure to make a gold impression by taking your date to the finest dining establishment in town. This internet dating idea is one that is sure to score points. You can make reservations and have some special touches in place before you arrive. You might ask for fresh flowers on the table, a special bottle of wine or arrange for a signature dessert to end the evening.

Maybe a round of golf

If your internet dating buddy is into hitting the links, you might think about a rousing game of golf for your first date. You can pick an impressive course that will challenge you both while giving you a chance to learn more about each other. If conventional golf is not your thing, why not play a game of miniature golf? This permits you to converse freely while having a good time in view of plenty of people.

A picnic spells romance

Planning a picnic in the park, by a lake or along the shore is a wonderfully romantic internet dating idea. Your date and you will enjoy the fresh air and sunshine while you take the time to get to know each other as you share a picnic lunch. You can create a variety of finger foods that are bound to tempt the taste buds of your date.

Get behind the wheel

Another fun idea for you and your date to do is to check out a go cart track. This can be an exciting way for you to spend time with your date. Often there are a wide array of other games of skill and chance to try your hand at playing.

You and your date will be in a relaxed atmosphere where having fun is the name of the game. If an arcade is not your style or you hate go carts, perhaps you can visit a festival or a fair in your area. Being in public is important to the both of you since you have communicated only online and these ideas will allow you to feel safe as well as get to know your potential mate.

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Finding a Great Guy Online: An Insider's Guide And three success stories...

2009-02-26T09:55:00.000+07:00

by Marissa Gold

Looking for a serious relationship? There's surely no faster or easier way to meet someone than through online dating — and weeding out Mr. Wrongs from the comfort of your own home sure beats spending countless Saturday nights on dates from hell. But is it really as simple as logging on, signing up and — POOF! — finding your soul mate? Maybe! But the perfect guy won't necessarily come to you — you've got to use the resources at your fingertips to find each other. But who am I to say this, and how do I know? Well…

As you may have guessed, I'm speaking from experience. I met my boyfriend online over a year ago. I may have been a 20-something single smack-dab in one of the most active dating scenes in the world, but NYC is notorious for being a very challenging place to meet quality guys. So when I'd had one too many $14 drinks and heard one too many lame pickup lines, I started complaining to friends about my dating difficulties.

Surprisingly, everyone had the same response: "Have you tried going online?" Apparently, they all had — and they gave it positive reviews across the board. So I signed up on a site, and, lo and behold, the first guy I went out with ended up becoming my boyfriend. Was it luck or just solid technique? I like to think it was a little of both.

Two women who have the technique down are Beth Roberts and Karin Anderson, who recently co wrote a book called Finding Your Mate Online: No Fear, No Embarrassment, Just Love! Why did these two high-powered businesswomen write a book? Because they're both smart, attractive and successful — and they both met their husbands online. "We strongly believe that you should approach online dating as though it were a job. Don't just jump in; be organized and have a plan," says Roberts.

Here are their seven top tips.

1. Just Say No

The first rule of success is to not compromise. "If you definitely want to meet a man to marry and have children, make that one of your criteria," says Roberts. And if you have a deal breaker in mind, don't compromise on that either. These aren't silly things like a hair-color preference; these are real needs that only you can identify for yourself.

Now, as for the guys who don't make the cut, there will inevitably be many of them who'll contact you. And if you know you're not interested, writing out a detailed pity response to each one will just take time away from finding someone you do want to pursue. Anderson's advice: Prepare a standard reply for men who don't meet your requirements:

"Thanks for your reply. You sound like a great guy, but I don't think we're a match. Best of luck in your search!"

Simple as that. And you're on to bigger and better things…

2. Sell Yourself

Next up: your profile. "The number one mistake that everyone — not just women — makes with an online dating ad is writing about what they want instead of what they have to offer," says Roberts. It's important to give people a sense of your personality and what you bring to the table, too.

Anderson adds, "Too often we find women's ads full of clichés like 'I love romantic walks on the beach' or generic statements like 'I love going to the movies.' Offer examples of what you did last weekend, which book you're in the middle of reading, and what athletic activity you do every week." Don't be afraid to get a little personal — that's why it's called a personal ad, after all.

3. Tell Me No Lies

Many people fear online dating for the same reason: They're afraid people aren't honest in their profiles. The temptation to knock off a few pounds, a few years, or even to add a figure or two to your salary can be tempting. But resist the urge! "White lies or fudging, whatever you want to call it, defeats the entire purpose of online dating!" says Anderson. "You're looking for someone who thinks you are the most fabulous person in the world."

So don't worry about whether you'd look better if you made a little tweak here, a little change there: If you want a lasting relationship, you'll need to find someone who loves you just the way you are.

4. It Takes a Village

Online dating doesn't have to be something you do secretly on your own. Get your friends, your coworkers or even your family involved. It's great to get input on your profile (or someone else's) from people who know you.

Plus, keeping friends in the loop by checking out different profiles together makes the whole process more fun! Just don't forget to get some guys involved. "We all know great men similar to the one we'd like to meet. They are our coworkers, brothers-in-law, acquaintances, etc.," says Anderson. "Get their opinion on your ad… and follow their advice!"

5. Do the Dirty Work

Remember that part about not expecting the perfect guy to come to you? Well, now's the time to go find him. Search through thousands or even millions of profiles by making use of different filters available on the site. Whether you narrow potential dates down by age, distance from you or even specific preferences like smoker or nonsmoker and hip-hop or classic rock, be proactive and look around at who's out there.

Jot down favorites you find as you go and create a list of your top 10. Some dating sites even allow you to bookmark profiles or create a list within the site itself. Then send a quick note to each guy to initiate the conversation. Be brief, be friendly and highlight a common interest if you can. For example:

Hi. I saw that you went to Vassar — I did too! What year did you graduate?

or

Hi, there! So, you love bulldogs? I have one (Sparky). You can see him in one of the pictures on my profile. What do you think? Is he cute enough for you?

If he hadn't come across your profile before, you know he'll check it out now.

6. First-Date Prep

Once you've chatted with someone long enough to get a vibe from each other, it's time to take things offline. While it can seem like you already know him, don't forget that he's still technically a stranger, and you should take the same precautions you would when going on any other first date.

Before you meet a guy face-to-face, you should Google him to see if what he said about his past (what he does for a living, where he went to school) matches up. It's also a good idea to have a brief phone conversation, which can help break the ice and give you a better sense of his personality. As for the actual date, Roberts emphasizes the importance of meeting in a public place like a bar or restaurant and arranging your own transportation so you won't be relying on — or stuck with — anyone.

7. Still No Luck?

If you haven't met a match yet, Anderson points out that you shouldn't give up — just change your profile. "If you don't receive the replies you desire, have you tried a new screen name? New photos? New ad?" Try making your screen name more specific — using an ordinary one puts you at risk to blend in with thousands of other similar names.

And try uploading more than just one photo; it'll give other members a better idea of what you look like. One final trick to tip the odds in your favor: "We recommend you post at least two ads simultaneously," says Roberts. One at a major Website with millions of members, and one at a specialty Website where you have a common interest with other members right off the bat. If you're active about doing your part to put yourself out there, chances are you will find what you're looking for.

Just Do It!

If you're still hesitant to try online dating, remember this: The pool of people who date online is growing exponentially. With major dating sites seeing membership in the millions, you instantly have that many more potential dates than what any local bar can offer.

Before you've even said hello, you've got a stat sheet in front of you telling you everything you need to know (and then some) about every guy on the site — and in his own words. Plus, you'll be able to meet people you'd never come across in real life. My boyfriend lived 10 blocks away, worked across the street from my office and grew up in the same town as I did, but neither of us knew the other existed until we discovered each other online. So just give it a try! You could be passing a great guy on the street every day and not even know it.

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Dealing with Long Distance Relationships

2009-02-26T09:40:00.000+07:00

Distance is not an issue with online dating until such time as you are ready to meet in person. Then, how far you live from one another becomes a major concern. Long distance relationships, known in cyberspace as an LDR, require a great deal of effort regardless of whether it was initiated offline or online.

Longing to be together physically, feelings of pity, mistrust and frustration as well as not having extra funds to cover traveling costs are all issues that must be dealt with in a long distance relationship.

How can you get to see the person with whom you have been virtually corresponding and with whom you have made that true love connection. That depends on where the other person lives, how much you each can budget for travel expenses, and in the end, whether or not you both feel that meeting in person is going to be worth all of the effort.

Long Distance Relationship Advice

If money is not an problem, start by working out what the other person needs to legally enter the country in which you live. This most likely is a passport or visa, both of which take a number of weeks to process. The sooner you begin coordinating the details, the sooner you will be able to actually touch one another which in turn should provide all of the encouragement that you need.

For some people, traveling is part of their jobs, so you may find yourself in a position in which the other person can meet with you after he or she meets with a client.

This type of casual meeting works well for a while but when it gets to the point where this occasional contact is not enough, you will both have important decisions to make.

One of those decisions is whether either of you are prepared to move home. This is possibly the biggest issue involving long distance romances. In the end, and in order for long distance relationships to flourish and move to the next level, one of you will need to move home.

Most people dream of moving to another place, but the realities of such a move almost always get in the way, and moving does not take place. Family ties, job, friends, mortgages, and the community are hard to break, and is a lot to give up for a chance at love. The payoffs of this type of risk can be immense, but only if you are prepared to take that risk.

For some people, being involved in an long distance relationship becomes a comfortable situation. The relationship fulfills the need to have another person in your life but can also keep that person from making a real effort at finding a viable partner. In the end what has really happened is a lot of life has been wasted.

At the end of the day, you have to decide if you can really take pleasure in the occasional meeting, chat on the telephone or written communication. If you cannot live for the moment and enjoy what you have at that instant, long distance relationships will not ever work for you.

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Dating Scams: What are they and why do they occur?

2009-02-25T10:00:00.000+07:00

There has been a lot of attention given to online dating scams in the popular press and media over recent years, so much so that many people are to afraid to try online dating for fear that behind every friendly internet persona is a money-grabbing scam-artist.

Of course, this is far from the truth and yet at the same time it’s important not to underestimate the real risk. There are a lot of scam artists online, and it is important that responsible adults take the proper precautions against them.

Usually from countries that are struggling economically, Dating Scammers are often attempting to make their livelihood by seducing men from Western Europe and America and persuading them to give them money. There are various other techniques that scammers use to make money from gullible people, but this is one of the most common.

This persuasion can take various forms from “I can’t afford a plane ticket to come and see you” to “they’ll repossess my house unless I give them £10,000 by Tuesday” but the principle is often the same: an apparently attractive young woman with poor English skills suddenly takes an interest in you, this lasts a few weeks at most, exchanging sentimental and/or erotic messages and emails before she suddenly needs money and you are her only hope.

The pattern is easy to recognize and really the most obvious indicator is when a woman from a lower economically developed country seems to take an inordinate amount of interest in you very quickly.

There are many reasons why Dating Scams happen, the most obvious of which is that it is an easy way to make money. There are an awful lot of vulnerable and insecure men looking for love online, and the fact that they can and do is perhaps one of the more positive consequences of the relative anonymity available to people online. However, this inevitably makes it easy for those who would disguise their identity to take advantage of these same men for money.

In Nigeria, perhaps the country most notorious for its abundance of scam artists, the national minimum wage is 5,500 Nigerian Naira per month which works out to roughly $50 U.S Dollars. It is likely that many are paid far, far less than this amount without their employers coming under scrutiny.

Under these circumstances, it is not surprising that when many see an opportunity to earn much more for little work from Westerners who are so much richer than them, they take it. The same applies for many Eastern European and South American countries also.

In the end however, Dating Scams are often heartbreaking and expensive affairs and whilst they are comparatively rare it is important that anyone who takes online dating seriously should learn more about them and take adequate steps to protect themselves from the risks.

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Dating Married People: Affairs Are A Dangerous Game

2009-02-25T09:56:00.000+07:00

If I had to get on my knees to beg you not to do one thing in your life it would be this - dating a married person. In the USA 44% of married men have an extramarital affair and 32% of married women follow suit. In the USA almost 50% of all marriages fail. In the UK that figure is around 33%.

So from square one, marriage requires one's utmost attention to sustain it. Messing about with a third party is not going to help. Speaking from experience, having an affair with a married person is the single most stupid thing you will ever do. Period. If you want to lose all the dignity you ever had, lose your self-worth and wreck people's lives on top of your own then please go ahead.

I will be brutal here; You are stupid if you do. Affairs with married people often happen due to purely selfish desire and due to sheer boredom and it will hurt you. You will not come out of it well. An opportunity is presented to you and you are too greedy to say no. Sex with a married person is dramatic, open, stimulating and very exciting. For the married person it is all these things plus a release from the mundane situation they find themselves in; a release from the boring sex and drudgery of daily life. And none of it will last.

The problem with dating a married person when you are single is that you remain single throughout the affair. You are not a couple so don't fool yourself. Sure you may act like a couple when you are together, but you aren't. In the very beginning you will see quite a lot of your new lover. Secret dates will be established and the excitement will make you feel alive. But as soon as the guilt sets in for your married lover, excuses will develop and you will be kept hanging on, but ever available just in case they can make it. It is a subtle process and by the time you realize, it's often too late to save your heart.

Oh yes, you will never be without a phone on the off chance that your lover will call. They want to see you but you must be understanding that its not easy for them. Indeed you will be praised for just how understanding you are. You have just become a saint and a martyr. In the meantime they will be tucked up in bed with their other half trying to fix things.

They won't tell you that of course, because they don't want to hurt you. You will have to endure endless months of discussing what it will be like when you are together (which you probably never will) and you will face comparisons with their spouse at every turn, even if they never vocalize it.

You will be expected to be available just in case because one can never tell when your crutch-like strength will be required and you will be thankful for any small morsel of time you are given. They will insist that the evening you had a week last Tuesday was a great deal for them to arrange so be grateful and that you should just hang on for them if you love them. And so it goes on, month after month.

Of course the key thing that makes your affair different from everyone else's is that it is 'different'. Your passion and love is almost unique and you know they are in a terrible marriage and they made a mistake and you will be perfect together. In other words, you will make excuses whenever possible to justify the situation - just a little more time and things will be fantastic.

No one else can possibly understand what you both are going through and so you will withdraw from some of your friends. Partly because they strongly disapprove of what you are doing. Your weekends will be wasted as will vacations because whilst you are alone waiting at home for the phone to ring, they will be at social functions and parties and all kinds of domestic events that you would die to have but are never afforded the opportunity of having.

You trust your lover implicitly. After all you are in this together. The thing is your entire relationship is already founded on deceit. And if they can do it to their husband or wife they can also do it to you. And they will. Eventually!

You see, if your lover was going to leave their partner they would have to leave for themselves and not for you. If they are going to do it for themselves it will be much sooner rather than later. If they haven't become single within 12 weeks they probably never will. They must leave not for you but for their own reasons. If they leave for you, you will be held silently accountable in future every time life is not perfect. And for all you know, they may always be looking backwards with a half-glance and all that they left behind.

If children are involved in the marriage then although you may not be able to fix their marriage, you are contributing to destroy it and with it, the children's stability. Walk away as fast as possible in the opposite direction and keep walking. Never fool yourself here, dating a married person is a complete waste of time in 99% of cases. A very few do make it through but almost all don't. You will have absolutely no idea as to what your married lover is going through and you will be nothing more than light relief to something far more serious.

You will lose self respect because you are sharing your lover, you are falling in love with someone you cannot have, you are second best most of the time and you will be extremely lonely. Most of the evenings will not be with your loved one so your relationship cannot grow, much of what you do will be based around sex not love. Your relationship will be extremely intense but will be sporadic and unfulfilled. As a woman you will be made to feel cheap and may even fall pregnant in which case your situation has just become highly complex.

The thing I cannot stress enough is how much you will be lied to. The person you love will be telling you lies almost constantly. It is not that they are essentially bad, it is that they will over time get used to lying to spare feelings whilst protecting themselves. And do remember that in the midst of such emotional turmoil, they will have no option but to start considering only themselves.

In the end they will find lying to everyone second nature, even though it may be cutting them up emotionally. A married lover simply wants to sit on the fence and never make a decision. They want you to decide for them which of course you cannot. You could demand that they leave their partner for you once and for all, but in doing so you are now standing in the firing line.

Finally, they will see you as part of the turmoil of their life and they will ditch you, just like their spouse. You get tarnished with the same brush. That's how it works.

The simple question I will ask is that if you really do value yourself and understand yourself and if you truly believe that there are some truly great single people out there, why would you waste your life on dating a married person. For all these words, people will continue to learn from their own mistakes and in doing so pass on their valuable lessons to others. But for the sake of some short term passionate sex, you truly could be risking everything. Let us hope that you have the wisdom to walk away and not look back.

If you really want to remind yourself of what life and love is about, watch the video to the song by Air called All I Need. The girl sums it up perfectly in the first 60 seconds. You won't find it in an affair.

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Dating Dislikes: Traits We Won't Accept

2009-02-24T09:30:00.000+07:00

Dating dislikes are a personal thing that's for sure. The things one person loves someone for can be the cause for divorce in another case. You may love the way they smile with one gold tooth, wink from under their sunshades, flick their dyed orange hair or paint their nails blue, that is your prerogative of course.

There are though some common trends that we all share when dating anyone.

1. The top of the list by far in the league of dating dislikes is hygiene. You may laugh at this but believe me, it is often overlooked, especially by men. Turning up for a date doesn't just mean a quick rake of the hair and the straightening of a T shirt. Remember, first impressions count and may be the only impression you leave. Before a date get yourself to the chemist and then to the bathroom (guys) and sort yourselves out.

Have a shave, wash your hair, scrub up well and get suited and booted. It is your chance to shine so make sure you are shining. Yeah, okay you may be a jeans and T shirt kind of guy. Leave that until later. Brush your teeth for two straight minutes, wear deodorant and Aftershave ( a little of the good stuff only please) and put on a shirt! If I need to refer a woman to hygiene then enough said.

2. Clothes are big dating dislikes. The wrong clothes that is. The amount of times I have witnessed a good looking girl dressed immaculately only to discover her new man wearing an anorak in a trendy bar, a T-shirt in a restaurant, jeans to the theater. It breaks one's heart.

The fact is, a first date is very important. Once again its the time for you both to shine. You don't need to be wearing Gucci or Armani though it can help on occasions but you should be comfortable too. So smart casual can be good depending on your date. This is often why I recommend dating first at lunchtimes mid week. You are already dressed for work so you may already be wearing a suit.

If not and your job is manual then leave the first date until evening. But for men you should wear a shirt and trousers and look presentable. No garish Hawaii kit at this stage guys. For women , something understated and stylish but with a hint of chic. Once again, too tight, too short or too fashionable may leave you feeling wrongly dressed for the wrong date and wishing you hadn't bothered.

3. Money. Hmm yes money. A big issue this one in the dating dislikes list. Too flash and your out. Too downtrodden and you are out guys. Too much chat about cash and you are out, too little ambition and you are out. Seriously, keep your cash conversations to a zero level and enjoy your date together. If you want to talk about ambitions avoid chatting about your braining desire for a a Lear jet and a house in the Hamptons.

If you aspire to be Gordon Gecko cool but don't ram it down your date's throat. Money, contrary to many impressions doesn't impress at first, it simply polarizes views. It can leave your date feeling very uncomfortable either way. If you are dating out of your financial zone then don't try and pretend as that will be fatal. Instead always keep to something affordable, after all, you are spending time with someone, not their wallet or purse. If you do happen to be a millionaire, keep that until your 4th date!

4. Lying. People tell lies on dates, in fact most people do and this is a great dating dislike. They do this because they want to appear exciting and invigorating and interesting. This means that some of the things you are told are not true, or only partially true. Usually in any good dating scenario these little white lies get played out and over laughter, good conversation and a drink the truth escapes easily as you both relax.

Whilst entertaining, little white lies show the path towards dating disaster. People are in fact seeking honesty and this is one of the basic building blocks of any new dating experience. Get caught out later at your peril.

5. Getting drunk. Here lays the true path to disaster. Okay if you are a student and young then much dating is to be had near the bars of many college campuses and I for one have many fond memories. However as we get older the anti is raised and so we need to keep out wits about us. Girlfriends have told me that the most promising dates they have been on have gone nowhere simply because their dates got lashed on Vodka or beer.

Now 99% of the reason behind this is nerves. Many people are far better with a drink inside them than without. It's a relaxant, it calms nerves and fears and promotes a feeling of confidence. In that sense, a drink is good for dating, the problem is that it doesn't end there. If you go to far in the early stages of dating you can simply end up undoing all your good work. If you are nervous you can end up drinking too much and making a fool of yourself. So whilst drinking can be fine, leave it out at this stage of your dating game plan.

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Cyberflirt: 6 Do's and Don'ts of Email Courtship

2009-02-24T09:26:00.000+07:00

The art of making a good first impression on a man has changed considerably with the advent of online dating. Using this medium, it's not necessary to check if there's lipstick on your teeth but rather if there are typos in your profile. And how can you tell if the guy who sounds so great on "paper" is the real thing? Most importantly, once you and a cyber beau initially - pardon the pun - click, how can you gracefully move it offline?

Here are the do's and don'ts of email courtship:

1. May I Have This Dance? Feel free to initiate contact with a potential Mr. Wonderful. As in real life, male online daters commonly make the first move, so a note from an attractive woman like you will be the highlight of his day. Keep it short but include something that shows you relate to particulars in his ad: "I was drawn to your love of swing dancing." He wants to feel singled out, not receive a cookie-cutter response that could be sent to every man on the site.

2. Capital Offenses. Your mom likely told you it's rude to shout, but she didn't forewarn you that USING CAPS IN YOUR EMAILS is the same as yelling. The woman who gave you life probably also neglected to advise you to beware of men who communicate via "winks" (an option to contact another member to convey interest, without writing a message - or paying), one-word responses and "collect calls." The former two are lazy with a side order of obnoxiousness; the latter expects you to pay for the privilege of receiving his email.

Online dater Sharon Hodgson has her list of top tacky transgressions. "Obviously looks are important and you should expect the other person will want a photo. But when the first thing a respondent asks is, 'Do you have a picture?' - often when he hasn't posted one! - my radar is up." Hodgson also cites emoticon offenders. The University of Maryland social worker sniffs, "I can't take anyone seriously who is constantly doing LOL or smiley-facing or even writing shorthand. People shouldn't be so casual in emails."

3. Just Say No. Women typically get swamped in emails, so they let slide the ones from men that don't interest them. While not a cardinal offense, it's a little cruel to keep him hanging. Send an acknowledgment along the lines of, "I'm complimented that such a great guy wants to know me a little better. Unfortunately I don't see us as compatible. But thank you so much for writing and best of luck."

4. Honesty Lite. Emily Calvo explains, "I am not advocating lying. It's important to tell the truth." The author of 25 Words or Less: How to Write Like a Pro to Meet That Special Someone through Personal Ads quickly adds, "However, don't tell too much too soon. A little mystery is better than a lengthy soap opera detailing all that analysis has taught you." Give the essentials with a positive spin. For example, it's important for him to know you're a single mother. But don't complain about your stresses. Instead, share that while you love your kids, it's time for you to develop a personal life.

At this early stage it's also important to share information that might quickly uncover a major incompatibility. Say he's allergic to animals and you have two kittens. Or you're a vegetarian and he's a butcher with a rib roast fixation. And he'll realize you're a night owl if the timestamps on your emails are 2am rather than 8pm. Better to suss out potential roadblocks sooner than later.

5. From Computer to Coffeehouse. Resist the temptation to get caught up in an online love affair where each of you writes increasingly lengthy and intimate life histories. It's impossible to discover whether you're suited until you're sharing oxygen. How many emails should it take before you get together? National dating coach Patti Feinstein says, "Emailing back and forth for a month never works. Once a mutual agreement is made that there is interest, it's best to meet in a public place as soon as possible."

Online dater Sherry Alpert attempts to set up a phone call and/or a date after two or three reciprocated emails. "The ones who won't do it I call 'toe in the water' guys. I've noted to them that prolonged emails are a waste of time." Her firmness usually eliminates the vague "let's get together sometime" emails. If the man refuses to be pinned down for a meeting without a valid excuse (ie, an out-of-town trip is on the horizon), she's soon outta there.

6. Post-Date Email. Scenario 1: If you like the guy and don't hear from him within a few days, it's fine to shoot off a quick email: "Thanks for the drink and the fun company. I really enjoyed meeting you." He'll either contact you for a date or not. If it's "or not," cut your losses and move on. Scenario 2: You don't like the guy and he keeps bugging you for a return engagement. Just send a quick note: "While I truly enjoyed meeting you, I just didn't feel we were compatible enough to pursue a relationship. But I wish you all the best."

Ready to take it to the next level? Check out our online dating page and see what happens...

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Coping with Online Dating Rejection

2009-02-23T09:59:00.000+07:00

Will there ever be a 'right' way to reject another. You would think that in the world of online dating, dating rejection would not hurt as much as being rejected 'in person'. So far however, that has not been shown to be true. As in the world of offline dating, it seems that no matter which way you elect to break it off with another you have met online, it is going to be a slap in the face to the person on the receiving end.

When a person is rejected it is human nature to wonder, 'What did I do wrong" or 'Was it something I said" regardless of the circumstances surrounding the rejection.
How to Cope With Dating Rejection

If you have suffered dating rejection online, rather than spending way too much time dwelling on the subject, try taking a proactive stance. One thing that is never a good idea is to continually try to make contact with someone who is not responding back to your invitation to communicate. If that person is not replying, take the hint and move on. Continually trying to contact somebody who is not responding back can be perceived as stalking and you might find your membership canceled or your communications being censored.

If you are receiving more online rejections than interest, it might be worthwhile reviewing your online profile. Maybe you are coming across as very needy, not serious about developing a relationship, or perhaps your profile needs more of a positive spin. Take another look at your photo because it might not be a good likeness of you and your features. The photo you post should be of just you otherwise those looking at it may make incorrect assumptions about who you are or what you are looking for.

Being rejected hurts regardless of the scenario, and just as it is when you are trying to make a sale, you will undoubtedly have to hear a lot of 'No' before you get a 'Yes'. So if you think of online dating as a numbers game, realize that the more communication you start, the more likely you are to get a higher rate of response.

When You Need to do the Dating Rejection

Now what happens when the boot is on the other foot and it is you who needs to do the rejecting. Tread carefully as what you do say is as equally important as what you do not say.

Regardless of which way you approach it, rejecting another is a guaranteed no win situation. If you send no reply, you are perceived as being rude and having no manners. If you do give a reason, the person on the receiving end is certain to scrutinize your reasons.

The best advice is to be honest when rejecting another. Although they may feel hurt by your rejection, you can at least feel good in yourself knowing that you did the right thing.

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Conscious Internet Dating: Balancing High Tech with High Touch

2009-02-23T09:55:00.000+07:00

In a new trend, singles are becoming increasingly frustrated with internet dating. In spite of millions of singles using the internet and the promises and success stories of online matchmaking websites, I've heard the same thing over and over from singles across the country who are frustrated with internet dating-

"It's great to have a lot of choices, but it takes a lot of time and I don't seem to meet anyone I have much chemistry with."

This makes sense to me. In some ways, using a computer to find your soul mate is like trying to cook a souffle in a microwave. Some things just require time, effort, and the human touch.

This article explores the upsides and downsides of internet dating, attempts to explain why internet dating is frustrating for some singles, and suggests alternatives.

Top Five Advantages of Internet Dating

1. Reach more singles

2. Inexpensive (relatively)

3. Enough information available for efficient sorting

4. Anonymous

5. Easy to control most aspects of the process

Top Five Downsides of Internet Dating

1. Overwhelming number of choices

2. Encourages "shopping" mentality

3. Many users are less than truthful

4. Some users are game players, predators. cheaters

5. Complacency- tempting to rely on the internet and exclude other options

The Internet, Chemistry, and the Law of Attraction

Today's singles seem to be relying on their computer a bit too much and complacently expecting the internet to deliver their soul mate. This is a version of the Fairytale Trap (one of fourteen dating traps in my book "Conscious Dating").

The internet is a wonderful tool (I use it!) but doesn't seem to work effectively as the only tool for finding potential partners.

I believe that the two biggest reasons why the internet isn't effective for many singles is the role of chemistry and the Law of Attraction.

Chemistry is critically important for a successful relationship. Everyone wants a partner they feel strong chemistry with, and a relationship would be pretty dry and unsustainable without it. The Fourth Principle of Conscious Dating is "Balance Your Heart With Your Head." Identifying your requirements, needs, and wants does not minimize the need for chemistry. You need both! I like to think of chemistry as the radar that helps you find your target, then you use your requirements, needs and wants to decide "yes" or "no."

The Law of Attraction is inescapable and either works for you or against you. If you're "busy" or "shy" and the internet is your only means of reaching potential partners, in a way you're hiding behind your computer and the Law of Attraction is not likely to help you.

The Law of Attraction states that "like attracts like" and "energy follows attention," meaning your results reflect your thoughts and your actions. Over the years I've become convinced that the Law of Attraction is a powerful law of the Universe, like gravity. Just like "what goes up must come down," try as you might, you can't avoid or change the principle that "like attracts like."

If you're hiding behind your computer, what people, relationships, and results are you likely to attract?

Top Five Ways to Supplement High Tech with High Touch

1. Use your support community

Most people find their soul mate through someone they know, so don't be a lone ranger (another dating trap!) and lean on your friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors to assist you to meet potential partners.

2. Start a dating pool or networking group

Get a group of singles together (any gender mix) to support each other to meet potential partners. Most singles know lots of other singles of both genders, so pool your resources and do some matchmaking for each other!

3. Reach out to people

In today's busy world with cell phones, texting, instant messaging, e-mail, and the internet promoting impersonal ways of interacting with others, it's easy to forget the lost art of engaging with real people that are right in front of you. Make an effort to reach out to the people you come into contact with in your everyday life and watch your relationships blossom.

4. Make more friends

Since most people find their soul mate through someone they know, be open to developing new friendships and expanding your support community. Chances are you already have acquaintances at work and other places that you would enjoy spending more time with. Friends are easier to find than dates, and friendships often last longer than romantic relationships!

5. Get involved

Too many singles lead isolated lives centered around work, home, and a few friends. Participating in clubs, groups, classes, charities, church/temple, is the most important way you can leverage the Law of Attraction to help you find your soul mate. You'll meet new people, make new friends, and pursue hobbies and interests important to you that bring you in contact with other compatible singles.

It's All About Relationships

Technology can help us in many ways. Online dating is a wonderful tool that allows you to leverage your time and meet many more people than you could otherwise. However, let's not forget that humans are social beings and finding your life partner is a relationship goal that is probably more effectively achieved by getting away from your computer as well as using it. You're more likely to find relationship fulfillment by living a full, rich life among real people doing the things you enjoy that make your life meaningful.

As the ancient Roman playwright Terence once said- "Moderation in all things." Do you think he meant the internet as well?

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Celebrate Valentine's Day -- In the Tantric Tradition

2009-02-18T09:42:00.000+07:00

By Suzie Heumann

The celebration of St. Valentine's Day began as the Romans' festival to the Goddess of Love Fever, Juno Februata, and included a tradition of writing women's names on strips of paper. Young men would then choose the notes and erotic games would ensue.

Much later, St. Valentine (whom scholars say is mythical) became the patron of lovers. Though the Christian holidays were a much more toned-down affair, the sexual rites of early spring, even in the Middle Ages, involved secret rituals, love potions and spells. How romantic!

Today, you can use ritual to create a magically mesmerizing evening that the two of you will remember for years to come. Combine some of the ideas that follow and use your imagination to create focus and love that will impress your lover and strengthen your sensual bond.

# Make an altar with your partner. Bring together both aspects of yourself and of your union to represent the vision you hold.

# Illuminate! Bring out as many candles as you can find. Arrange them in safe places that balance the energy in the room and create a feeling of warmth and sensual excitement. Save the last one to light together.

# Throughout history, most cultures have used ritual objects for sacred ceremony.

This includes bringing in aspects of the elements -- Fire, Water, Earth and Air -- to help us remember what is important in our lives:

* For Fire, use candles.
* For Water, bathe and bring your favorite drink into the bedroom.
* The representation of Earth can be a massage with particular attention paid to
the feet -- the part of us that walks on the Earth. Also use fruit as a
reminder of the fruits of the Earth.
* Air can be represented by incense, a mirror and the visualization of what you
aspire to as a couple.

# Gift your lover with erotic-looking flowers.

# If you have a deck of Tarot cards, place it on the altar you've created, then do sacred readings for each other. Be relaxed about the interpretations. This isn't serious -- it's fun! Just use your intuition to read the cards' meanings.

# Bring an intention to your lovemaking ritual. At the beginning, face each other, place your right hand on your partner's heart and your left hand over your partner's hand. You are thus holding his or her hand to your heart, and your partner should do the same. Take turns sharing what you love about the other and what you aspire to together during the coming year. Eye gaze and breathe as one for a few minutes before you begin to make love.

# With your partner, explore two new positions from the Kama Sutra. Perhaps a book about the sacred practice would be a good St. Valentine's gift for your lover that the two of you can explore together.

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Can't Take My Eyes Off You: Study Shows The Power Of Attraction

2009-02-18T09:39:00.000+07:00

Whether we are seeking a mate or sizing up a potential rival, good-looking people capture our attention nearly instantaneously and render us temporarily helpless to turn our eyes away from them, according to a new Florida State University study.

"It's like magnetism at the level of visual attention," said Jon Maner, an assistant professor of psychology at FSU, who studied the role mating-related motives can play in a psychological phenomenon called attentional adhesion. His findings are published in the September issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

The paper, "Can't Take My Eyes Off You: Attentional Adhesion to Mates and Rivals," is one of the first to show how strongly, quickly and automatically we are attuned to attractive people, he said. FSU graduate students Matthew Gailliot, D. Aaron Rouby and Saul Miller co-authored the study.

In a series of three experiments, Maner and his colleagues found that the study participants, all heterosexual men and women, fixated on highly attractive people within the first half of a second of seeing them. Single folks ogled the opposite sex, of course, but those in committed relationships also checked people out, with one major difference: They were more interested in beautiful people of the same sex.

"If we're interested in finding a mate, our attention gets quickly and automatically stuck on attractive members of the opposite sex," Maner said. "If we're jealous and worried about our partner cheating on us, attention gets quickly and automatically stuck on attractive people of our own sex because they are our competitors."

Maner's research is based on the idea that, through processes of biological evolution, our brains have been designed to strongly and automatically latch on to signs of physical attractiveness in others in order to both find a mate and guard him or her from potential competitors.

"These kinds of attentional biases can occur completely outside of our conscious awareness," he said.

Biology or not, this phenomenon is fraught with potential romantic peril. For example, even some people in committed relationships had difficulty pulling their attention away from images of attractive people of the opposite sex. And fixating on images of perceived romantic rivals could contribute to feelings of insecurity.

Modern technology has enhanced these pitfalls. Although there are people of striking beauty in real life, singer Frankie Valli's pronouncement that "you're just too good to be true" may be the case when it comes to images in movies and magazines or on the Internet.

"It may be helpful to try to minimize our exposure to these images that have probably been 'doctored,'" Maner said. "We should pay attention to all of the regular-looking people out in the world so that we have an appropriate standard of physical beauty. This is important because too much attention to ultra-attractive people can damage self-esteem as well as satisfaction with a current romantic partner."

In the experiments, study participants -- 120 people in the first study and 160 and 162 in the second and third studies, respectively -- completed questionnaires to determine the extent to which they were motivated to seek out members of the opposite sex. They then took part in a series of "priming" activities before they were shown photos of highly attractive men, highly attractive women, average-looking men and average-looking women.

After a photo of one of the faces flashed in one quadrant of a computer screen, the participants were required to shift their attention away from that face to somewhere else on the screen. Using a precise measure of reaction time, Maner found that it took the participants longer to shift their attention away from the photos of the highly attractive people.

Maner said he was surprised that his studies showed little differences between the sexes when it came to fixating on eye-catching people.

"Women paid just as much attention to men as men did to women," he said. "I was also surprised that jealous men paid so much attention to attractive men. Men tend to worry more about other men being more dominant, funny or charismatic than they are. But when it comes to concerns about infidelity, men are very attentive to highly attractive guys because presumably their wives or girlfriends may be too."

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Can I Truly Find Love With Free Internet Dating

2009-02-17T10:21:00.000+07:00

How can I find a match with free internet dating?

Free internet dating sites are responsible for many happy matches created on the internet. With the emphasis on dating through the internet, more and more people are searching for love online and these sites have the added ability to search for love without paying a high subscription fee. There are many different sites like these all over the internet, and many people use these sites for finding love and romance. Each one is a little different from the others in the fact that they use different criteria for matching their members.

How do I use one of these sites?

You will use a free internet dating site by signing up for an account. Then you will fill out a profile online and add a picture of yourself. The amount of information that you provide will enable them to find you a match. It is up to you as to how much information you put on your profile. However be careful about putting too much personal information on that site. Most sites will have you put your contact information on there and will only contact you if there is a problem.

How many different types of these sites are there?

There are many different free internet dating sites online. They vary in variety and scope. To find one, all you have to do is Google the term “Internet dating” and you will be presented with many different web sites for your consideration. You may pick and choose from the many that are available to you online. These are a good way to find love online and many have found love online with these sites. It is just a matter of time and patience on your part when using these sites online.

What kinds of these sites are there?

There are free internet dating sites for seniors, teens, gay and lesbian, and those with all sorts of different interests just to name a few of these sites. Since these sites are all free, you will have a good chance to find relationship with just the person that you are looking for. It may take a little time and patience, but your chances are good that you will find a match with your site of choice. With so many different sites to choose from, you would be hard pressed to just enter just one of these sites.

Is this stuff for real?

Yes, this stuff is for real. There is a lot of hype going on about free internet dating. It is good to use for when you really don’t have the time to go out and date. It also offers you a measure of safety when using this type of service. It may sound hokey, but you can find love online by using one of these sites to find it. You will decide how far any dating goes when you are contacted by someone from the web site in question. But you can find romance online.

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Breaking Up May Not Be As Hard As The Song Says

2009-02-17T10:18:00.000+07:00

The devastation caused by a broken heart has been a dominant theme throughout the ages of great literature and pop culture alike.

But a new Northwestern University study shows that lovers, especially those madly in love, do much better -- almost immediately -- following a breakup than they imagined they would.

In other words, participants who forecast how badly they would feel over a breakup with a partner actually felt much less distress than they had predicted in the days prior to the relationship's demise.

Those most in love really got it wrong. Though the love-crazed participants may have felt the ecstasy and anticipated the despair immortalized in "Romeo and Juliet," their level of actual distress following their real-life breakups came nowhere close to the agony suffered by Shakespeare's tragic young lovers.

"Our research shows that a breakup is not nearly as bad as people imagine, and the more you are in love with your partner, the more wrong you are about how upset you are going to be when the dreaded loss actually occurs," said Eli Finkel, assistant professor of psychology in Northwestern's Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences and co-author of the study.

The people most in love did experience a little more distress over their breakups.

"But the overestimates of the most-in-love participants, of how badly they would feel after a breakup, were much greater than the predictions of participants less in love," said Paul Eastwick, the lead author of the study and a graduate student in psychology at Northwestern. "Their levels of distress were nowhere near their catastrophic predictions."

The study "Mispredicting Distress Following Romantic Breakup: Revealing the Time Course of the Affective Forecasting Error," will be published online today (Aug. 20) in The Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. Besides Eastwick and Finkel, the co-authors include Tamar Krishnamurti and George Loewenstein of Carnegie Mellon University.

The study adds to a growing body of literature that shows that people demonstrate remarkably poor insight when asked to predict the magnitude of their distress following emotional events.

In anticipating a breakup, for example, people might not take account of the good outcomes that follow a breakup, such as the benefits of being single.

Whether the discrepancies between people's predicted and actual distress are caused by their inability to foresee positive life events on the horizon or their inaccurate theories about how quickly they can recuperate, a romantic breakup seems to be less upsetting than the average individual believes it will be, the study concludes.

To qualify for the nine-month longitudinal study of dating behavior, each participant needed to be involved in a dating relationship of at least two months duration. Participants still involved with their partners from study entry completed a set of questionnaires every two weeks for 38 weeks, for a total of 20 online sessions, to measure predicted and actual stress.

The study utilized the data of 26 people (10 female and 16 male) who broke up with their partners during the first six months of the study. The forecaster distress reported two weeks prior to the report of the breakup was compared with actual distress at four different time points covering the initial weeks and months following the breakup. The questionnaires also included a measure assessing how much participants were in love.

"People tend to be pretty resilient, often more so than they realize," Eastwick said. "No one is saying that breaking up is a good time. It's just that people bounce back sooner than they predict."

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Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

2009-02-16T09:43:00.000+07:00

“Breaking Up is Hard to Do” is advice from a popular 1970s song, but older women going through a relationship breakup may have health problems to go along with their broken hearts, a University of Alabama researcher has found.

Dr. Bronwen Lichtenstein, UA assistant professor of criminal justice who specializes in women’s issues, recently completed a study of the health risks women over age 35 faced when they returned to the dating scene after the breakup of a long-term relationship.

Lichtenstein was investigating the theory that after an older woman leaves a long-term relationship she may make risky dating choices. “Being in a relationship for 20 years means you have no idea what the dating scene is like today,” she said.

Lichtenstein surveyed women in the West Alabama area and found that these women – many of them like your mother or your grandmother – often faced depression, lack of health information, and lack of social support after their relationships ended.

How did they cope with starting over? Well, it may start with food, Lichtenstein found. “One of the most interesting things for me was that they told me they often meet people in grocery stores. There’s a whole dating scene for this age group going on in Wal-Mart and Publix,” she reports.

The hooking-up over food phenomenon may be happening because there are few, if any, places where older people can meet. “Young people have places to go to meet one another and that doesn’t exist for a lot of older people -- some may be embarrassed to go to church groups for singles or they may feel that the groups are for younger people,” Lichtenstein said.

Lichtenstein looked at how these women, who were recently divorced or widowed, were equipped with the proper health information about the spread of sexually transmitted diseases when dating. “Women are biologically more at risk for STDs at 50 than at 20, and most women don’t realize it,” the UA College of Arts and Sciences professor noted.

Almost all the women in the study reported being depressed after ending a relationship, and at least half the women had been diagnosed with a sexually transmitted infection. The women faced biological, emotional and personal issues, although the real problem is that the issues are not being addressed, Lichtenstein found.

“There is a lot of uncertainty and anxiety in returning to the dating scene – women ask ‘Am I attractive?’ and ‘What are the rules?’ – but nobody knows what the rules are because everything’s changed,” she said.

Who fares the best the second time around?

“Women who are confident and assured of themselves seem to deal with these relationship issues better. They may not be in a better place, but they find other things to do and find a satisfying life on their own.

“A good example of this is a 62-year-old woman who joined a motorcycle club and began a wonderful social life. Another example would be a woman who never married but owned her own business and had a lot of friends,” she said.

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Being the ugly duckling

2009-02-16T09:41:00.000+07:00

Written by SherAaron Hurt

Remember the story of the ugly duckling? The duck that was born and looked different from all of his siblings? He was shunned by his entire community, even his own parents. Why, you ask? Because his feathers were a different color from all of the others. The poor little duck. He had no control over being born differently. Nor was he able to change where he was born. Do you feel bad for him?

Now let us apply that same concept to humans. Have you ever been shunned because you were different? Knowing the demographics of Michigan Tech and the Keweenaw, most may not experience being an ugly duckling due to skin color, but what about for other things? Maybe your gender, your class, your wealth, your weight, the car you drive, the clothes you wear or even because of where you live.

Have you ever been on the other side? Being the community that was shunning the ugly duckling? It is so easy for us to fall in the trap of the ugly duckling. I’m sure we have all been the ugly duckling once in our lifetime. Moreover, we may have been the community that made the poor little fellow sad.

Being a student at Michigan Tech as well as a member of the community, I have been a victim of the ugly duckling. Shunned, because I do not look like the people in my community.

Imagine, getting into your car and having the passenger of the car stick their tongue out at you. After arriving to their destination, which is directly across the street from where you are parked, they come back to the street only to do it again and make a derogatory statement referencing your race. Not knowing how to feel after this action because for so long you have been an advocate of the community in which you live and never wanting to think negatively of the environment because for the past four years you have made it your home.

Unlike the ugly duckling in the well known fairytale, I had a choice to choose where I wanted to go to college. However, when it comes to my smooth milk chocolate complexion, I did not have an option. Being out-casted, shunned, discriminated against or laughed at because I look different from the majority is definitely what happened to my friend the ugly duckling and to me. Never in my wildest dream would I think that I could relate to an old classic fairytale.

But remember! That is not how the story ends. The ugly duckling finds other ducks like him and grows into a beautiful swan. In fact, he is so gorgeous that he is envied by all – even the ones who made fun of him. Going through those harsh harassment as a young duckling only prepared him to be strong and even more beautiful as a swan.

The same goes for us “ugly ducklings” of our communities. This is not the end of our story. We may face hardships, prejudices and discrimination, but it is only preparing us for when we have our moments to shine. We too, shall find the “other ducks” and fit in. After receiving our degrees from the accredited Michigan Technological University, we will shine and be envied by all.

No longer being identified as the “ugly duckling” but metamorphosing into a beautiful/handsome intelligent swan!

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5 Reasons You Can Find Romance

2009-02-13T10:17:00.000+07:00

There are thousands of online dating sites, but there seems to be a misconception that it is impossible to find romance online. While it is difficult, it is also difficult to find romance in person as well. But there are so many more opportunities to find true romance online.

Here are 5 reasons you can find romance

1. Build your self-esteem

Meeting someone of the opposite sex in person can be one of the most intimidating and nerve-racking experiences you will ever have. While it can be thrilling and an amazing experience, you can also get rejected and have a horrible experience. Dating romance online is far different because you are talking online. If one fails, you can move on to the next one.

2. No pressure

When looking for romance online, there is no pressure whatsoever. You will find that there are no awkward silences, which can be a date-killer in person. And for the most part, you can eliminate making any stupid comments because you have time to think before you actually talk. Therefore, you can be yourself and strike up a great conversation with the person you are interested in.

3. Finding interests

You have the ability to scroll through and find people that have similar interests as you. If only it were that easy in person to pick out those who have the same interests as you. There is the saying that opposites attract, but you are far more likely to find online romance with someone that is similar to you. This will allow you to strike up a conversation and see if any sparks ignite.

4. Comfortable setting

There is nothing as sensual and soothing as a comfortable setting. With the calm and comfortable atmosphere, you can casually meet new people who are looking for romance as well. With the right settings and the right people talking, it is easy to find true romance.

5. International site

Variety of people with an international site giving you the chance for romance Europe. There are plenty of like minded people from all over Europe just waiting to talk with you. And with so many options to choose from, you are bound to find romance.

Nothing is guaranteed when it comes to finding romance, but it is certainly easier when all of the right pieces are put together for you.You can enjoy a calm and comfortable setting with no pressure whatsoever. With a wide variety of people and a plethora of people with the same interests as you, true romance is awaiting.

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5 Questions Every Man Dreads -- and Why

2009-02-13T10:14:00.000+07:00

Picture this. After spending an incredible night together, you're lying in bed with your partner and feeling more connected than ever. The only thing that could make this post-seduction scene cozier is talking about just how cozy the post-seduction scene is. But just as you're about to whisper, "What are you thinking?" in his ear, you stop. Why? To avoid the deer-in-the-headlights look from your partner.

You're not alone. When it comes to relationships, most women want to know everything that a man is thinking. His secrets are often considered little enemies, capable of tearing the relationship apart. But nothing could be farther from the truth.

In fact, it's absolutely necessary for each partner to have his or her own personal world -- thoughts, feelings and boundaries that belong to him or her and no one else. So what's a well-intentioned woman to do? Read on to find out which topics are better left untouched -- and why. If the following five questions never leave your lips, it just might be music to your man's ears.

Take a look:

1) Are you attracted to other women?

Don't pry into this. Some women keep asking their man whether or not he is attracted to other women. A man who doesn't look at anyone or feel anything for other women is either very old, very tired or just plain lying. There is nothing wrong with a man who looks at and admires other women, as long as he does it discreetly, doesn't make a show of it in front of other people and doesn't use it to make you insecure or competitive with the other women.

Looking at and responding to others doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't find you desirable or is comparing you. Most men fuel their sexuality and fantasies by admiring women. If you ask him to talk about it, not only will it make you nervous, but he might feel embarrassed and exposed as well. He will feel unable to do what he does naturally, without being censured. Enjoy his love for you and leave this one alone.

2) What happened in your past relationships?

Some women become obsessed with finding out everything about their man's past. They need to know if they measure up to ex-girlfriends or wives, if he's as happy with them as he was before and if he's really over a past heartbreak. There's no need to probe any of these issues.

You might be especially concerned about what went wrong with your guy's previous relationships. Remember, though, he might have been a very different man then, and he probably learned from his mistakes. Try not to hold his past wrongs against him because chances are he doesn't want to be reminded of them. He doesn't want you to see him in a bad light. Let him be the person he is now. Let him feel good about how he is with you, and not dragged through memories of what he did (or didn't do) with other partners. When you let the past be the past, that is where it will stay.

3) Where (or how) do you think our relationship is going?

Many women just can't wait to get around to the "relationship discussion." They want to know how their guy is feeling about the relationship in general, so they sit him down to get the details. The problem is that this discussion makes many men feel pressured -- and restless. This question is pretty vague, and a guy may not understand what you're actually asking him. For example, is this the precursor to discussing marriage, or do you simply want to know whether he's content with the relationship between you?

Of course a man will have opinions of where the relationship is going, just like women do. The problem is that after being prompted to address a heavily weighted issue like this, some men fear that, depending on how they answer this question, they might be in for an intense, uncomfortable discussion. They could feel judged and criticized, and if this happens too often, it can easily make them drift away. Instead of pinning all of your expectations on a forced discussion, try to keep communication open in the relationship -- all the time. That way, you can both express your feelings as they arise, and have them heard and attended to naturally.

4) What are you thinking? (Usually asked in bed...)

Some women want to make sure that a man is thinking only of them in bed, but this is a very complicated question for a guy. Although he loves you -- and may be very happy with you -- it is normal for your guy to occasionally fantasize about others during sex. And it's not because he isn't there with you. This only means that he's making the experience exciting for himself in many ways.

Don't probe his secret fantasies unless he wishes to discuss them with you. If he doesn't bring it up, chances are that asking him about it will make him feel criticized, guilty and perhaps restricted. On the other hand, if he does wish to share his fantasies, this can be tricky too. Make sure you can tolerate hearing about what's going on in your man's mind, and remember not to assume he doesn't care about you. It's perfectly acceptable to decide you don't want to hear about these fantasies. Just let him know about your wishes gently, if and when he tries to fill you in.

5) Do you enjoy being with your friends more than being with me?

Many women become possessive of their man's attention and resentful of time spent away from them. This is particularly true for nights out with the guys. Women want to be included in every activity as proof of their partner's love for them. And if a guy is out with his buddies, they ask if he enjoyed the time more -- or less -- than time spent at home because they secretly want to hear that he did not. Some women even feel threatened when a man is with his family.

The fact is, your man needs time for male bonding, no matter how much he cares for you. Truly loving him means allowing him to be all of who he is, fulfilling all his needs and realizing that no matter how much he loves you, he also needs others in his life.

The more fulfilled he is, the more he can give to you. So let the time he has with buddies belong to him. Don't question him about details. The beautiful part of having a healthy relationship is that you are both secure enough in your feelings that you want to see each other happy, no matter who you're with or what you're doing.

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Being Altruistic May Make You Attractive

2009-02-12T09:36:00.000+07:00

Displays of altruism or selflessness towards others can be sexually attractive in a mate. This is one of the findings of a study carried out by biologists and a psychologist at The University of Nottingham.

In three studies of more than 1,000 people, Dr Tim Phillips and his fellow researchers discovered that women place significantly greater importance on altruistic traits than anything else. Their findings have been published in the British Journal of Psychology.

Dr Phillips said: “Evolutionary theory predicts competition between individuals and yet we see many examples in nature of individuals disadvantaging themselves to help others. In humans, particularly, we see individuals prepared to put themselves at considerable risk to help individuals they do not know for no obvious reward.”

Participants in the studies were questioned about a range of qualities they look for in a mate, including examples of altruistic behavior such as ‘donates blood regularly’ and ‘volunteered to help out in a local hospital’. Women placed significantly greater importance on altruistic traits in all three studies.

Yet both sexes may consider altruistic traits when choosing a partner. One hundred and seventy couples were asked to rate how much they preferred altruistic traits in a mate and report their own level of altruistic behavior. The strength of preference in one partner was found to correlate with the extent of altruistic behavior typically displayed in the other, suggesting that altruistic traits may well be a factor both men and women take into account when choosing a partner.

Dr Phillips said: “For many years the standard explanation for altruistic behavior towards non-relatives has been based on reciprocity and reputation — a version of ‘you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours’. I believe we need to look elsewhere to understand the roots of human altruism. The expansion of the human brain would have greatly increased the cost of raising children so it would have been important for our ancestors to choose mates both willing and able to be good, long-term parents. Displays of altruism could well have provided accurate clues to this and genes linked to altruism would have been favored as a result.”

Dr Phillips concluded: “Sexual selection could well come to be seen as exerting a major influence on what made humans human.”

Dr Tom Reader in the School of Biology said: “Sexual preferences have enormous potential to shape the evolution of animal behavior. Humans are clearly not an exception: sex may have a crucial role in explaining what are our most biologically interesting and unusual habits.”

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Are You Feeling Alone on Valentine's Day?

2009-02-12T09:32:00.000+07:00

By Susan Anderson

For many, Valentines Day is another reminder of the love that seems to be missing in our lives, causing our abandonment issues to rise to the surface.

Some of us are alone because we haven't been able to find that someone special. The lack of belonging to someone feels especially painful at this time.

Some of us are going through a breakup, and our sense of loss and longing intensify as Valentine's Day approaches.

Some of us are caught up in patterns of abandonment and feel frustrated with ourselves as well as our potential lovers.

Some of us are in relationships in which we feel a loss of love. Valentine's Day reminds us that our romantic dreams are not fulfilled.

Some of us are happily coupled, but feel melancholy twinges of love pain rising to the surface from old unresolved abandonment wounds.

On the positive side, Valentine's Day reminds us of the importance of love. To make the most of the holiday, it helps to remind ourselves that:

* We can all increase our capacity to love, whether or not we have that special
someone.
* It begins with learning to love ourselves with unconditional acceptance and a
deeper internal connection.
* This doesn't just happen by snapping our fingers. We need to establish a daily
regimen where self-love can increase incrementally.
* As the ember of self-love begins to glow from inside, we can extend it to
others.
* We give the gift of unconditional love to others.
* We give to give, not to get. Letting go of expectations of others frees us all
to experience greater love and connection.

Susan Anderson is a psychotherapist and the author of Journey From Heartbreak to Connection, Journey From Abandonment to Healing, and Black Swan: Twelve Lessons of Abandonment Recovery.

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After Dating: Can We Just Be Friends?

2009-02-11T09:40:00.000+07:00

"Can we just be good friends?" How many times have you heard someone say that whilst telling you it is all over? There is an easy answer people - No you can't. Not in a million years so don't waste your breath.

How many of us have heard that hopeful little phrase "can we be friends" from a soon-to-be-ex partner mumbling and stuttering before heading out of the door with their suitcase at 1000 miles per hour. And how many have replied "no"! Very few I reckon. How many more have agreed to this new instant friendship?

Yes its true, the departing party thinks that it gets them off the emotional hook to suggest that you can be friends moments after damning your relationship to eternity whilst telling the bare face lie that so many of us have found to be untrue. Can we be friends? Of course you can't. So wise up instantly.

What are you going to do , are you both going to do all the things your best friends do, are you going to party together, laugh and cry together, pick op the phone at 3am because you need to chat? No you aren't and the person who just suggested the idea already knows it.

Its one of the brutal truths of dating but at least 60% of all people who leave their lover have said it and the rest of us have had to find some kind of reply. Inevitably it is "yes". We say yes because we want to keep knowing the person who is leaving, we don't want the happier times to end and we certainly do not want to stop seeing the person who has just told u we are finished.

But the reason I write about this subject here is because the person saying it in 99% of cases does not mean it, never did mean it and has no intention of honoring the concept. You don't want to accept it perhaps or you are nodding in agreement that I am right, but I stand by it. Anyone who offers friendship as a mediocre present whilst retracting love deserves no respect.

I am afraid that our friends are the people we have known from school and college, those we have worked with, those we have met along the way and stayed in touch with. The person breaking your heart isn't your friend, that is the person who is busy telling you all the reasons why it won't work between you, the reasons why its over and the reasons why they are leaving.

The crux of the statement is linked to the person who is saying it , rather than the person it is being said to. The person who says it is the person leaving. They are also the person who feels guilt. And it is this guilt that is responsible for the utter garbage dialogue we must endure. At least for a short time.

Now I know all this sounds harsh and you know that the person you are splitting up with could really be your best friend and it does happen believe me. But and its a big but, its so rare its almost impossible. The fact is you now have an almost unbearable legacy, your ex-relationship and this will act as a wedge. The water from your salty tears will lubricate this wedge and drive it between you as you slip further and further away. I wish I could say that when an ex asks if you can both be friends that it would work. But it won't.

The way we all deal with the traumas in our lives is through time and time alone. Though the comfort of true friends and loved ones helps too. But we must all settle the past before we can move forward and to do this, the best thing we can all do when someone we love leaves us is simple. We put them behind us - and that takes time too.

The thing that always strikes me about someone who asks if "we can be friends?" is the sheer audacity of the statement. It is an unnerving ability to tell a lie at the moment when honesty is most called for, it is an attempt to console when doing harm, it is the domain of the person who wishes to deceive. Wow, I am sounding gloomy here.

I came back and added this section after I re-read this article. It is worth pointing out that one of the reasons why we must say no to the request for friendship is because it is being asked for all the wrong reasons. Often the person leaving is scared and unsure of what they are doing. They don't really want to burn their bridges, well they are not sure they want to.

They therefore try and keep a lifeline by asking if friendship is a possibility - in doing so they are retaining a very small path back. Of course the point is that very few people who leave us can actually sustain a friendship after wards even if we can. Friendships take contact and contact is the most painful aspect of leaving someone. Therefore the reality is that distant friendship may be a possibility but near future friendship is not going to happen.

Okay, the thing is, I have heard that question too many times and never once did it stand to be true, never. People who have left have offered friendship whilst taking everything with them. The fact is, by not agreeing to such a mediocre offering, we retain our dignity, our calm, our composure and our peace of mind. We do not want reminding of someone who left us every day, so why begin down that road - why try and be friends? Instead, hold your head up high and show the person the door, after all, your true friend is the person you will one day choose to spend your life with, not the person just leaving.

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3 Signs He's Interested

2009-02-11T09:34:00.000+07:00

He Makes Good Eye Contact

Since guys are visual, it goes without saying that they stare at women whom they find attractive. This is significant because, as a general rule of thumb, men tend to avoid prolonged eye contact because of its threatening nature (think Alpha Male stuff).

In addition, every man can tell you a story of some woman he was nice to, who misinterpreted his kindness as an indication of romantic interest. If you ask 100 men why they are so guarded about giving a woman the wrong impression, the answer is simple, “Because she might not leave.”

How to respond: When you notice his gaze, simply smile back while maintaining eye contact for a couple of seconds and then quickly look away. This simple gesture is all the invitation he’ll need to approach you.

He’ll Listen to You

Need I mention that men hate being bored. Women don’t prefer it, but men detest it. Nothing is more boring to most men than being trapped in a conversation with someone who doesn’t interest them.

If you were to ask how you can tell if you are the woman who is holding him hostage, relax. Most men won’t listen long enough for that to happen to you. If he’s listening to you talk about your work, friends or other interests for more than 5 minutes, he’s interested in you.

How to Respond: Remember that the person doing the talking is NOT in control. The listener is in control. You want the conversation centered on him so that you can begin training him to be emotionally dependent on you.

Men always find women who listen to them to be irresistible. When you are listening, be sure to make eye contact with him occasionally. Most women can easily do two things at once, so resist the urge to listen and look elsewhere.

Without some eye contact, you may hear what he’s saying, but you won’t look like you care.

He Frequents Your Friends

Most men know that if you simply approach a woman and give her a “yes” or “no” question, you only have a 50/50 chance of her saying yes, or worse. Therefore, the clever guys are those who slowly infiltrate your inner circle of friends because they know if your friends like them, they have a better chance with you.

Don’t be threatened if you see a guy strike up a conversation with one of your girlfriends. Yes, he may just be interested in her and not you, but there is a good chance you are the primary target.

As a guy gets to know your friends, it becomes easier for him to approach both of you in the future.

How to Respond: If you notice him talking to one of your gal pals, don’t approach them too quickly. In fact, don’t approach them at all. Act as though you didn’t notice them speaking and maintain your distance.

The next time you are with that friend, stay close to her and he’ll be able to approach you, through her.

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What are the Dangers of Online Dating?

2009-02-10T11:23:00.000+07:00

Dear Dating Tips,
I'm really new to online dating. I'm wondering if you could let me know some of the online dating dangers that are out there. Thanks. ~ Trying to Avoid the Danger

Dear Trying to Avoid the Danger,
What a great question! In general, online dating is a fun and effective means of meeting people compatible with you. Tens of thousands of people have met, dated, and eventually married as a result of their online dating experience. However, it is still vitally important when using online dating services, that you exercise caution because there are some dangers.

Here are a few:

1) The person you are communicating with may be married!

2) Many overseas women run scams against men. They pretend to get to know and like you and once you fall for them they start asking you for money. Thousands of men have been sucked into this scam, wiring money to a girl they never met and never hearing from her again (or hearing from her asking more money). If the person you are communicating with asks you for money, watch out.

3) Some people will email you instantly asking for your email address and as soon as you give it, you are inundated with dating spam while never hearing from that person again.

4) There are a few bad apples in the online dating world. A lady who shared an experience for Online Dating Magazine readers expressed how one guy showed up on her doorstep even though she never gave him her address!

Online dating can be a great experience as long as you take precautions in your online dating experience.

Here are a few tips:

1) Listen to your gut. If something doesn't seem right about the person you are communicating with then this may be an indication that you should move on. Trust what your instincts are telling you.

2) Never give out personal information too soon. A person armed with your home phone number can find your home address (without you knowing) in just a few clicks. Read this Dating Tips article.

3) Usually a person trying to take advantage of you is one who communicates first with you. Thus, even if you are a female you should take the initiative to contact people that look of interest to you. Read this Dating Tips article.

4) Set up an anonymous email account. When you're ready to communicate with someone outside of the security of the online dating service you are using, you may want to consider using an anonymous email account from a service like Yahoo, Hotmail, or Go.com. Be sure to change your account information to not give out your full name. Doing this helps protect your privacy more as it's fairly easy to get information on a person based on their actual email address that they've used for years.

5) When going on a first date, make sure you meet in a public place and that your friends know where you are. Consider arranging a time to check in with one of your friends.

6) If you have enough information on the person you are dating, then consider running a background check. I was surprised to learn that a person I once dated had done this on me. It was a smart thing for the person to do. The only reason a person should be upset at you running a background check is if that person has something to hide.

7) Learn self defense. On rare occasions, a female who has met up with a male via online dating has been assaulted. Know how to defend yourself. There are a ton of good reasons, even outside of online dating, to take a self-defense course.

8) Drive yourself to the date destination. Until you really know a person, it's a good idea to provide your own transportation. There's no reason the person you are dating needs to know where you live in the initial stages.

Keep in mind that a person can say whatever he/she wants in a profile and several tell outright or little white lies in the things they say. Some lie about appearance, some lie about marital status, and some lie about intentions. Always be smart, alert, and listen to your instincts. It's very much a possibility that the person you are destined to be with is just an email away. But never let your guard down when searching for that destiny.

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Useful Tips For A Successful Relationship

2009-02-10T11:11:00.000+07:00

Many people are using online dating as an alternative to meeting new people, people we would never have met had it not been for online dating. The idea of finding an activity partner, soul-mate, or a pen pal is somewhat new to us. However, thousands of people have had success at finding a partner through the use of an online dating site. But how can you guarantee the success of your newly found relationship?

In this article we will give you some useful tips you can follow to improve the longevity of your relationship.

You should date slowly.

All too often many singles get caught up in the heat of the moment and they tend to move a bit faster than they should. Multiple studies have proven that singles who have dated for at lease two years before they got married have a much better chance of having a successful marriage.

Dating slowly can be difficult. The combination of lust and physical attraction can force couples into a serious relationship before they are emotionally ready for it.

There are many older singles who tend to move faster during a relationship because they believe moving slowly is wasting time. However, it's better to be single and happy than it is to be in an unhappy relationship. You should take things slowly if you are seeking a serious long term relationship.

You should have realistic expectations.

We have all been influenced by the media in some way or another sometimes we may have unrealistic expectations about our relationships. Life can be a complicated and stressful experience, having a good relationship with your partner will not make life easier.

You must always date to please yourself.

We have all been taught that we should not be selfish however, when it comes down to whom you should date the rules may be different. Being selfish is crucial when choosing a relationship partner. If your friends and parents approve of your partner it's great. If your loved ones do not approve of your partner the final decision is yours.

You should date with a purpose.

We all have positive and negative things about us and our personality however, serious personality imperfections deserve special attention. If you are considering a long term relationship with someone you are dating you need to face the facts which has been responsible for many unsuccessful marriages.

If there are any personal problems that exist while you are dating they will not go away after you get married, sometimes they get worse.

The belief that problems such as drug dependency, alcoholism, and physical abuse will magically resolve on their own is wishful thinking. The best thing you can do is to deal with these problems early on in the relationship. If the person is unwilling or unable to change, you should end the relationship and move on.

These are some guidelines you can follow to ensure the success of your relationship. Creating a solid foundation and dating slowly is the key to success in any relationship.

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Tips For Responding To An Online Dating Personal Ad

2009-02-09T14:20:00.000+07:00

After you have written the final draft of your personal ad you should thoroughly read it. Make sure there are no grammatical errors or typos and when you are happy with the results you should upload a recent picture of yourself. Then you can start searching the online database to find your ideal partner.

Here are some valuable tips you should use when responding to an online dating personal ad.

You should not send a generic email

This is a mistake many people make while they're searching for a partner online. Some people will write a standard letter which will consist of who they are and specifically what they are looking for in their ideal partner. It's better to take some time and read the person's personal profile before contacting them.

When you contact them be sure to make a reference to something they read in their profile. This will let the person know that you actually took the time to read their profile and you're sending them a genuine response.

Take your time when responding to other members

This should be a well thought out process because you will never get a second chance to make a first impression. You should start out by writing a few rough drafts of your reply.

Make a list of some common interests

Thoroughly read their personal profile and make a list of the things you have in common. Feel free to complement them on their picture however, you must let them know that their looks are not the only thing that attracted you to them. Let them know about the various things you have in common you should thoroughly explain this.

For example: You should let the person know that you go to the gym several times a week to workout. Let them know that you enjoy going to church on Sundays.

Tell them about yourself

When telling the person about yourself it is imperative that you do it in a humble manner. If you brag and boast about yourself this may have a negative effect, the person may immediately delete your email without responding to you.

It is important that you're sincere when you're responding to an ad, try to focus on positive things. Although you have to tell the person about yourself do not tell them everything about you, you should tell them just enough to keep them intrigued. Follow these tips and you will be on your way to achieving better results in online dating.

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Tips for Attracting Healthy Relationships

2009-02-09T14:18:00.000+07:00

When a relationship ends we feel the pain. We are left to flounder on our own on how to fix the relationship, whether we should fix it, or how to recover from the relationship. Building healthy relationships from the beginning is essential to avoid pain of broken relationships. It's about building the essential bridges that serve to salvage hurt minds, bodies and souls. It about reversing pain, neglect, and lack of understanding with love, commitment and caring.

Here are 6 ingredients for healthy relationships that we should strive to develop in every relationship, especially those close to us, our close friends, buddies, colleagues and even business relationships.

1. Acceptance, Empathy and Respect for the Other Person. Essentially, it is love. Love is much deeper than a feeling. Love is a commitment we make to people to always treat that person right and honorably. To understand and accept the other person as he is.

2. Fulfilling of needs. "You can have everything you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want out of life." A healthy relationship helps meets needs. We serve – and get in return –without consciously and eagerly expecting, of course. It will come- mutually and naturally.

3.Open and honest communication. " Communication is to relationships what breath is to life" The key to communicating is to be a good listener, have something good to say and express yourself well. Project warmth,, empathy and caring. By letting the other person know what we think and feel, it lets us connect with the other person. It enables us to make a connection. Both listening effectively and communicating what we feel is essential.

4.Stickiness- Patience and Loyalty. We are humans and humans make mistakes after all. And it takes time to change. Often, those who give up on relationships too early or because the other person isn't perfect, often forget that their next friend, their next spouse or business partner, will not be perfect either! And those who have gone through major turmoil in their relationship and emerged with patience have emerged stronger after the crisis.

5. A Common Purpose. Working together, building together, failing and succeeding together – while pursuing a common purpose - that is what relationships are made of. " To associate with other like minded people in small purposeful group is for the great majority of men a women a source of profound psychological satisfaction" Aldous Huxley Find people with whom you have common purposes with. In your current relationships, find a common purpose to look forward to. It will gel and create long lasting joy and benefits.

6. Fun. Fun brings enjoyment to the relationship. Often, this is forgotten or neglected in our family and spouses. Especially when we take the relationship for granted. We have to remember to consciously create fun situations and moments that we will remember with amusement and gratitude for a long time. Like family fun time and special moments together…

Having and developing all these takes time. But it is the most rewarding activity one can have. You'll not regret and be ever so grateful you did at the end.

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The Importance Of Physical Appearance In Online Dating Services

2009-02-06T12:13:00.000+07:00

Many of us who have tried online dating has overlooked the importance of having a great picture in our profile. There are quite a few reasons why people do not post their picture. Some people are shy, some people do not feel safe posting their picture, some people think it's not important, and some people do not have a picture.

Having a good picture in your profile is important because physical appearance is important to most of us. Mutual attraction is very important, there are many members who will only initiate contact with other members who have a nice picture in their profile.

If you have created a great profile but you do not have a pic you will be overlooked by many potential dating partners. There are many people who believe that if they have a well written profile it will not matter whether or not they have a picture in their profile.

This is false, sometimes people will read your profile and try to analyze you and they will ask themselves why you do not have a picture in your profile. This may have a negative effect on you even if your profile is well written. People want to see who they are talking to.

When you decide to add a picture to your profile you should be honest, you should add a recent picture of yourself. You should not add an old picture especially if you look better in the old picture than you do at the moment.

You may have aged a bit and you may have gained some extra weight since that picture was taken many years ago. However, you should always remember that you are still attractive and you stand a better chance of finding your ideal partner by being honest and posting a recent picture. People who are chatting with you want to see the real you, not the way you were 10 years ago.

Another common mistake people make in online dating is posting a picture of someone else. Doing this can cause many unnecessary problems when you go on a first date with someone you met online. Your date will question your integrity and honesty and they may feel deceived by your actions.

Honesty is the key to success when posting your picture online. If you have a recent picture of yourself and you think it's a great picture you should add it to your profile. If you don't have a nice picture you should have one taken.

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The Basics Of Online Dating

2009-02-06T12:11:00.000+07:00

Online dating is no longer a mystery, as with many things on the internet online dating has evolved to the place it is now. Being accepted as part of the everyday lives of single people who use it to meet people. Research has shown that as many as 1 out of 5 Americans have used online dating in the past.

So how do you get started? Here are a few online dating tips to get started with.

Online dating is done on the internet. Whether you want to meet people to make friends, get dates or just for social purposes, you can do it via an online dating service. It's fun and it can be extremely exciting.

Dating services are able to match you with people with similar interests as yours. They also offer very specific ways to find people of like race, age, religion, hobbies, location, and other things that you are looking for.

You can create a trial membership to test the waters. After that you want to choose an online dating service that requires memberships. This is a filtering system which allows the dating service to accept or reject new members.

This may mean a fee is involved which can be to your benefit as it can bring a higher quality of members for you to meet.

You will be asked to create a profile which is one of the most important things you will do. Getting a quality picture of yourself will let members see what you look like. You will also be asked to list information about yourself that others will find interesting.

This includes interests, hobbies, and a detailed description of the types of people you would like to meet online. You are then matched with other subscribers who match your description. Then it will be up to you to follow up with the members you have been matched with.

One bad thing about online dating is not everyone tells the truth when they build their profiles. This is especially true about married people who lie about being single. It is to your advantage it be honest when creating your profile because if you do meet someone they will know you for who you are!

The great thing about online dating is you get to choose who you communicate with. You get to read the profiles and view the pictures on the internet so you will have an idea of what type of person you are dealing with before you actually talk to them via phone or email.

This is a few online dating basics. If you know someone who has done it in the past talk to them about their experiences.

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Tak harus Diungkapkan Dengan Bunga

2009-02-05T10:10:00.000+07:00

“Jangankan valentine, waktu ulang tahunku pun dia tak memberikan sesuatu yang istimewa. Sedih sih…tapi apa mau dikata, dia memang tipe pria yang tak terlalu peduli pada perayaan seperti itu,” ungkap Desy, 27, Sekretaris, tentang kebiasaan pasangannya.

Berbeda dengan perempuan yang sangat memperhatikan tradisi, dan kejadian bersejarah, seperti; ulang tahun, atau hari “jadian” sebuah hubungan, lelaki cenderung tidak memperhatikan hal ini.

Bukan berarti mereka tidak peduli, dan tidak memahami makna dibalik sebuah tradisi. Lelaki cenderung memfokuskan perhatian mereka ke masa yang akan datang. Inilah sebabnya mereka seakan “lupa” pada hal-hal yang berkaitan dengan masa lalu, dan memilih untuk tidak membesar-besarkannya dengan perayaan.

Tapi, jika ingin mendapatkan perhatian yang “wajar” berupa hadiah atau bunga untuk memperingati hari-hari “bersejarah” Anda, ada beberapa tip yang bisa Anda terapkan:

Katakan terus terang keinginan Anda pada pasangan. Lelaki umumnya akan mengabulkan permintaan orang yang dikasihinya. Karena dibesarkan dengan cara yang berbeda dibandingkan perempuan, cara lelaki berpikir dan bereaksi saat dewasa pun berbeda. Keadaan inilah yang menyebabkan komunikasi menjadi hal penting dalam sebuah hubungan.

Tunjukkan caranya. Salah satu cara ampuh membuat pasangan terbiasa dengan cara Anda menyatakan perhatian, adalah melakukan hal yang sama padanya lebih dulu. Berikan hadiah berupa benda-benda yang diidamkannya, atau ajak dia merayakan kesempatan istimewa itu dengan sebuah acara khusus.

Memahami bahasa cintanya yang cenderung berbeda. Kebanyakan wanita tidak memahami cara lelaki menyatakan rasa cinta. Lelaki umumnya menganggap kehadiran dan kebersamaan adalah bukti cinta yang paling dalam bagi orang yang dikasihinya. Jadi, hari “jadian” ataupun ulang tahun, bukan apa-apa baginya. Toh setiap hari bersama Anda adalah saat istimewa baginya.

Tentu saja tidak mudah mengharapkan seseorang terbiasa dengan cara yang tidak dikenal sebelumnya. Kesabaran dan pengertian Anda, adalah cara terbaik menghadapi pasangan seperti ini.

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Some Tips To Better Dating

2009-02-05T10:08:00.000+07:00

In our society today it can be difficult to meet a compatible single person for a date. If you would like some useful advice on dating, you should follow these tips. In this article we will discuss some things you can do to turn missed opportunities into dating opportunities.

Do not pretend to be someone you are not, be yourself.

Do not go to places where you normally will not hang out in an effort to meet new people. If you do not enjoy going to clubs and bars you should not try to meet people at bars and clubs. Do not try to sell yourself as a laid back easy going person at a social gathering if that's not who you really are. If you would like to meet like minded single people, you should do something you enjoy doing, you should go to places where you feel comfortable. The people you meet will also feel comfortable there as well.

Try to think about some original dating ideas.

All to often people will get caught up in a cycle of going to dinner and watching a movie. This is very conventional and almost everyone has probably done it before. Try to think outside the box and be creative, go to a live concert, a sporting event, or go for a long ride through the city in a stretch limo. These are all good dating ideas that you can use to break up the monotony of the conventional dates.

You should not force anything, let things happen naturally.

Many people have a standard set of rules they follow when they are dating. The rules may be different for every person you date sometimes you just have to go with the flow. You should use your judgment to determine what feels right when it comes to the following things. How many days after the first date should you call? How many dates before a kiss? How long do you have to wait before you can meet the person's family and friends? Your partner will give you a hint when they are interested in moving the relationship in a certain direction. Going with the flow is the key to success.

Is there chemistry?

When you go on a date with someone for the first time you will know whether or not you are attracted to them. It's great if there is mutual attraction between you and your dating partner. However, sometimes one person may be extremely interested and they believe the chemistry is great. While the other person may feel different. Pursuing a relationship with someone you are not interested in will only lead to heartache. If you know the chemistry is not there you should do the honorable thing, end the relationship. Because good chemistry is the foundation for a successful relationship.

Try to keep an open mind when you are dating. The standard set of rules you follow may not apply to everyone you date. Be honest, be yourself, do something you enjoy doing, and you will be on your way to finding a compatible partner.

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Some Reasons Why Safety Is Important For Online Dating

2009-02-03T10:13:00.000+07:00

Online dating services has evolved into a good opportunity for people to meet other people from all walks of life. There are many good opportunities, for every good opportunity there is a potential bad opportunity.

This is why safety has become such an important factor for people who participate in online dating. In this article we will discuss a few online dating safety tips that you can apply that will help you to protect yourself.

The first thing that you can do is not really related to your computer, e-mail, talking on the phone, or anything like that. But what we're talking about is using common sense and following your gut instinct when you are dealing with a new person that you do not really know. A gut instinct is something that will tell you things do not seem right. When you get this feeling there is nothing wrong with walking away and forgetting about that person.

Another thing you can do to protect yourself when you are doing online dating is to protect your computer. It is extremely important to get your systems and equipment protected before you join any online dating services.

You should have an anti virus protection setup for your e-mail as well as a firewall set up to protect your computer system whenever you are searching websites and interacting online. You want to get these items installed as added protection. You can Google search free firewall download and free anti virus download to find the protection you need at no charge.

You should be cautious about the dating sites which you visit frequently. You probably have some ideas about which online dating services will offer you a reputable program. If you are new to the online dating game you can check with friends, relatives, coworkers, neighbors, and just about anyone who you know that has tried online dating, for their feedback.

The Internet is a great way for you to do some leg work as well. Set up separate files and keep notes on various online dating services that you visit. You should make a list of all the bad things as well as the good things that you have seen on the site. Some online dating websites differ from others and you can find a list of the ones that appeal to you before you join them.

You can never be too careful today when it comes to safety and your computer. This is especially true with online dating because emotions can sometimes get in the way of common sense. Take your time and do some quality research before you jump in with both feet.

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Some Facts About Online Dating Personals

2009-02-03T10:10:00.000+07:00

In the 21 century humans have the desire to do every type of work through the internet. To satisfy this desire some websites on the internet has a system which allows one to enjoy the pleasure of online dating.

Now it is necessary for you to know somethings about the online dating industry. Online dating often called Net Dating or the Internet Dating is a special dating program, which is offered by some website authorities to build some romantic or sexual relation between individuals or groups.

Usually, these types of online dating websites provide some possible matchmaking profiles with personal information and sometimes a photo is also included from its database. Some websites also include some additional features like online chatting, message boards, or video chatting.

Some of the famous online dating service providers are Yahoo! Personals, Match.com, eHarmony etc. These days, the online dating service is recognized as one of the top 'Paid Content' of the Internet. There is another type of online dating which is called Mobile Dating or Cell dating this is also gaining popularity.

The improvement of Bluetooth Technology has the major contribution on the increasing popularity of Mobile Dating.

Another variation of the Online Dating Service is the Virtual Dating. This Virtual Dating concept is expected to become a sensation in the next generation among the Internet users. In virtual dating the user must create an avatar. The user controls the avatar and it represents the user on the net. Two or more avatars will then meet in some virtual dating place on the net and they will enjoy the sensations of dating!

The pros of the online dating service are universally approved. However, you may have some problems if you are interested in creating an online dating profile. In this section of the article we will discuss some of the problems. First of all the main problem of this service seems to be the spamming.

Certain users will create fake profiles to advertise a service, advertise a product, or even the business of prostitution. The sex ratio of the members of these type of sites seems to be unbalanced. Normally, males find difficulty in finding the ideal female for them since the numbers of profiles for female members are less.

The chance of Internet fraud is always associated with this type of service. Even though the profiles seem to be real, sometimes there is a lack in the trust factor. But ultimately it's up to you to decide whether or not you would like to be part of the online dating community.

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Saving The Relationship

2009-02-02T11:23:00.000+07:00

Why he clams up, and why that's actually a good thing

When you hear about men being from Mars and women being from Venus, what you're often hearing is that women like to talk and communicate while men prefer not to. It's one of the most fundamental differences between the sexes -- and it's the one that drives the most people crazy.

"All she wants to do is talk about our 'feelings'!" men will complain to their friends. Meanwhile, women complain to their friends, "He won't talk to me about his feelings!" Is there no middle ground here?

To women, it seems obvious that you'd want to discuss emotional issues. How else will you know what the other person is thinking? Besides, talking about things helps you understand them and feel better about them.

So why would anyone want to clam up?

That line of reasoning makes sense -- for women. But men's minds work differently. They're just not hardwired the same way as women.

Many studies have shown that men react to strong emotion more physically than women do. Their blood pressure goes up, their hearts race, and it takes much longer for their bodies to return to normal once the crisis has passed than it does for women. Because of this, men's brains subconsciously urge them to stay away from strong emotion -- because it's physically dangerous.

One study among young boys and girls showed that the boys were faster to turn off a tape recording of a baby crying than the girls were. Why? Not because the boys were insensitive, but because they were more bothered by it. The boys were actually MORE sensitive to strong feelings, not less. And that's why they avoid it.

It's been shown that old men are far more likely to die soon after losing a spouse -- to "die of grief," as they say -- than old women are after losing theirs.

Physically speaking, emotional problems hit men harder.

Women often want to ask a man, "What are you thinking?" when he's quiet. They assume that because they get quiet when they're troubled, it's the same way with men. But it isn't, at least not necessarily. Men also get quiet when they're pondering a problem, devising a solution to something. It doesn't mean anything is "wrong." It just means they're working something out, often something non-earth-shattering and non-traumatic. Women talk their way through problems; men think their way through.

Men do talk, of course. Get them with their buddies and they talk all the time -- about sports, cars, movies, video games, TV shows, you name it. Just not their feelings. They get their pent-up feelings and aggressions out through games and camaraderie, not through cathartic chat sessions.

But even strong, stoic men understand (or should understand) that communication is vital in any relationship. They should be willing to talk about things that need to be talked about. The key for you in getting him to open up is to let go at his own pace.

Women's minds focus on feelings, while men's focus on problem-solving. Therefore, if there's an emotional issue that needs discussion, rather than saying, "How do you feel?" or telling him how you feel, you might do better to phrase it as a solution: "Let's figure out a way to deal with this" or "What if we did such-and-such about this situation?"

A good time to bring up emotional issues is when he's relaxed and comfortable and not otherwise occupied. That last point is important. He's relaxed and comfortable when he's watching a football game on TV, but that's certainly not the time to interrupt him with this kind of talk. Wait until he's puttering around in the garage, doing nothing in particular, or maybe when you're out together for a casual walk.

As with so many issues in dealing with men, it's important not to pressure him. If he feels like you're manipulating him into talking about his feelings, he'll clam up. So don't set up "meetings." Don't say, "We need to talk." (Ask any man: Those are the four most dreaded words in the English language.)

Instead, arrange a situation you both enjoy where talking will be feasible -- going out to dinner, taking a Sunday drive, etc. Then, if the conversation comes around to the issues you want to discuss, it will be a natural progression, not an agenda.

Above all, you should accept that men are different from women -- and that's a good thing. Just because you're inclined to do something one way doesn't mean that's the "right" way. Let men be themselves. When they feel relaxed and safe, you may be surprised at the things they'll tell you.

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Relationship problems solutions

2009-02-02T11:21:00.000+07:00

How do you break the habit of falling in love with a man who needs rescuing?

As women, we have a natural nurturing instinct. We want to help others, to mother them, to take care of them. Evolution made us the caregivers.

Unfortunately, many women try to take this skill into their romantic relationships and wind up choosing men who need to be rescued -- fixer-uppers, as they say in the real estate world. And it rarely ends well. Why not? Because while it's true that a lot of men need repairs, it's seldom possible for a girlfriend or wife to provide them. Self-improvement is called SELF-improvement for a reason: The change has to come from within.

Men don't like to be nagged, molded, and sculpted into something else. Be honest: If someone came along and made YOU their project, how would respond? Yet despite the obviousness of this fact -- you can't change a man, so you shouldn't even try -- countless women still make the attempt. Therapists write books about it. Talk show hosts devote episodes to it. Comedians make jokes about it. ("She made me change everything about myself -- and then complained that I wasn't the man she fell in love with!") Why do we do it? Sometimes the problem is very easy to understand: We just don't notice we're doing it.

Studies show that for as much as women tend to dissect their individual relationships, they often overlook threads that run among several of them. Hence, though you might have had four bad relationships in a row, you might not notice that they were all bad in the same way -- i.e., that the men needed "fixing" and you weren't able to make the repairs.

Identifying the pattern is the first step in breaking it, of course. Having recognized that you choose these men, what are the underlying reasons for it? It often goes back to a woman's earlier life and childhood. Despite our best efforts, we often subconsciously seek out relationships that mirror the ones our parents had. If your father was a deadbeat there's a good chance you'll unwitting look for men like him.

Sometimes it becomes a conscious thought: "My father was abusive to my mother, so if I find a man like that, I can fix him, and do what my mother couldn't. I'll make the world a better place." Of course, reason tells us this just isn't feasible most of the time.

Research suggests that what it usually boils down to is self-esteem. Deep down, some women need these "projects" in order to feel good about themselves. They need to accomplish something, and this is all they feel there is available to them. Psychologists say these women who feel incomplete without working on something should work on themselves first.

Finding out what's really causing the problem -- the low self-esteem -- is critical. Therapy and self-help books can be of assistance, but many times good old-fashioned soul-searching is all that's needed. What is it about yourself that you don't like? Does it need to be changed, or is your negativity toward it irrational? If it needs to be changed, can you change it yourself?

In other cases, women don't feel they "deserve" a good man. They keep subjecting themselves to men who need help because not only does trying to help them feed their own needs, but because they believe they're not worthy of anything better.

These women, too, must address the problems within themselves. So what do you do if you realize the relationship you're in is one of these fixer-uppers? Do you stay or go?

First you need to accept that you are NOT going to be able to fix him. Your case will not be the exception to the rule. No one can make anyone else change unless that person wants to change. It has to come from within.

Now, once you're accepted that, it doesn't necessarily mean you have to get rid of the guy; it just means you have to stop trying to fix him. It may be that the man you chose as a fixer-upper is actually OK as he is, warts and all.

Sometimes the men that women try to "fix" are fine the way they are; women just want to make them better. Maybe your "project" falls under this category. If so, let him be. He'll be pleasantly surprised that you've stopped working on him, and the relationship will be better for it. But maybe he's not that type. Maybe he really does need rescuing -- from drugs, from immaturity, from irresponsibility, from alcohol, from something else.

In that case, the only sensible thing is to cut him loose. You can't take it upon yourself to save people. It doesn't make you a bad person to leave him. You have to see to your own happiness first, and being with a miserable character has never made anyone anything but miserable.

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Protect Yourself Against Online Relationship Scams

2009-01-30T10:14:00.000+07:00

Searching for romance over the Internet has become more and more popular over the years. Online dating is nearly a billion dollar industry and scammers are cashing in on the trend, taking advantage of unsuspecting men and women.

Every day, scammers target hundreds of online daters, and many have fallen prey to scams that cost online daters, on average, of more than $3,000. They do it by posing as women overseas and send you a note through an online dating service. They pretend to be interested in you and provide their "email address" so that you can continue communicating offline.

Scammers use email to try and build an online relationship with you and they eventually profess their love. Once you do too, the scam kicks into high gear. An "emergency" (mother hospitalized, surgery needed) suddenly arises and they ask for money. Or they say they want to meet you, but need money to apply for a VISA to come see you. Little does the victim know that he's talking to professional con artists and has likely been communicating with another man, not a woman! The scams can get quite complex, including men hiring a girl to call you and pose as your online love interest.

You can avoid being a victim of online relationship scams by taking note of these warning signs:

Being Asked for Money

This is the most telltale sign of a scam. No matter what you think or what other people might say, it just isn’t a normal behavior to ask for money if you've never met someone in person. Scammers are quite creative – they will ask you to help with airfare so they can come and visit, cash a check, help out with an emergency for you to send a money order and so on. Some will ask for money fairly quick and others will show patience while trying to build a relationship with you, getting you to fall for the imaginary person in the profile they set up.

Initiating First Contact

Scammers virtually always are the first to initiate contact with you. If you get an email (or wink) from someone overseas, it's best not to respond.

Wanting to Communicate via Email

An online scammer will want to take your communications to email as soon as possible because they know their profile may soon be deleted when an online dating service notices their pattern of emailing people. So many times in the very first or second email they will give you an email address and ask you to email them.

Fake Pictures

Some scammers will cut or scan photos from magazines. Trust your instincts. If you feel the photo is suspicious, chances are it’s probably a fake. But that's not always the case, as many scammers will actually steal someone else's photo and post it. Photos are usually of a very beautiful woman. Don't fall for it.

Unwillingness to Share Information

The person you are talking to showers you with attention and he seems to be overly interested in everything about you, yet doesn’t share a lot of information about themselves. If they are avoiding your questions like a seasoned politician, then run..

Messages Vary

If you are exchanging emails with someone overseas, watch out for inconsistencies like a variation in the style of the email, language differences, repetitive statements, etc. The scammer who initiated the communication with you may not always be the same one that carries it through. If something doesn't seem right about the emails you are receiving, then its not right.

Besides looking out for red flags you can take other measures to further protect yourself:

1) Be the one always initiating communication via online dating services.

2) Guard your privacy.

3) Communicate with people locally, not overseas.

4) Trust your gut instinct from the start.

5) Never reply to communications from someone who sends you a note and immediately includes their email address for you to continue the communication.

Many people have fallen prey to online relationship scams. In one case, two men showed up at the same airport to meet a girl from overseas that they had sent money to for her "flight". Both were left holding flowers at the airport staring at each other. They had apparently been duped by the same scammer.

While it is true that there are many people who find life partners over the Internet, it is best to always be on your guard when using online dating services. Don't get scammed!

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Online Dating. Is It Taken To Seriously

2009-01-30T10:11:00.000+07:00

When I look at allot of the online dating services I notice one common trend. People take it very seriously into finding there true love. I find it absolutely amazing the amount of people who are looking for there absolute perfect match.

There seems to be so many profiles out there who tell people exactly what it is they want from a partner. Its as if there an owner of a company and there trying to fill a certain job position. They then take and list there requirements and what they expect from a person. If they don't meet those requirements then they think there unsuitable. I think that's crazy.

Dating is about getting to know people and then seeing if you enjoy spending time with them. You will often meet people who you thought you would never date and end up having a strong relationship with them. I'm not saying that it isn't good to have certain expectations. It is good to have an idea of what you want in a partner. I'm just saying you need to have an open mind.

So what should you put in your profile?

Instead of a whole big list of stuff like this is what I want and this is what I expect, you should have a touch of personality. Sure you will have certain expectations. You need to personalize them, so they just don't sound like your looking for a perfect person. If you like to joke around then add some little funnies throughout your profile. You need to show off your personality. Show people how you see the world and that you don't take everything so seriously.

When you go to a nightclub you don't just go to meet someone, you go to have some fun too. You need to look at online dating in the same way. Have some fun with it and don't take it to seriously. You will make things much easier on yourself.

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Online Dating Tip: How to Avoid the Information Overload

2009-01-29T10:14:00.000+07:00

According to a study by Jupiter Research the online dating market in the US will grow to $932 million annually by 2011. This is good news because it means their will be more online dating partners to choose from.

The downside is information overload. Too many choices can lead many people not to take action. While you do not want to be choosy to the point that no one fits the bill, you should have in place some filters to make the process a little bit easier.

1. Ask informative questions

This can be a long process but it is absolutely necessary. In the offline world it's a little bit easier to size the person up and decide if you want to make a go of it. Not so with online dating. You have to keep probing just to make sure it's is okay to even meet with this person for the first time. Don't be afraid to ask the questions that need asking. Find out about their hobbies, goals, educational background as well as other interests. Make sure what they say matches their profile and even then try to investigate further. This is not only for your safety (being anonymous is both a blessing and a curse in the online world) but to see if there is a connection that the two of you can build on.

2. Attraction

When you see someone's profile do you think nice, no thanks or maybe? You should be able to answer that one quickly. Yes you want to get to know a person beyond their photo but let's face it; right now that and the profile are all you've got to go on. Attraction is one of the main ingredients to building a dating relationship. If it's not there then don't waste your time. There are too many other choices out there waiting for you.

3. Personalize

With the overwhelming number of potential dating partners it's easy to develop a standard response. When you see someone you are interested in try to personalize your messages. You don't know the person so be respectful but let them know there was something in their profile or photo that caught your eye; the less obvious the better. Showing keen observation is a plus. A good sense of humor in your correspondence doesn't hurt either.

4. The Best Policy

If a potential dating partner tells you they are a world class pilot but what they really mean is they work the baggage terminal at the local airport you would rightly be angry. So be honest with the person you are interested in. A little exaggeration here and there may jazz up the profile but it is no way to start or build a dating relationship. Lying to the other person is bad enough but it also shows a lack of trust in yourself; not believing that what you bring to the table is just as good as what the other person has to offer. Wrong. Honesty is not only essential but very attractive.

Online dating is a numbers game and it can be overwhelming. But when it works it's as good as anything offline. Utilize the tips above and take advantage of this growing phenomenon to find that special someone in your life.

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Online Dating: The New Way To Date

2009-01-29T10:11:00.000+07:00

In the past couple of years, people have been meeting each other through this lovely place called the internet. It is called online dating, and chances are you or someone you know has met someone through an online dating service.

In 2004, Americans spent over 469 million dollars on online dating services. These people didn't like dating the old fashioned way and looked to the internet to help fulfill their romantic wants and needs.

Online dating, in general, is pretty darned simple. All you would have to do is fill in your interests and match up with people that have similar interests that you do. You would then strike up conversation with each other over the web and decide if this person is worth meeting.

There are many online dating websites that all do things a little different from the others. Some sites, like the one explained above, use a detailed matching system. Others give you the option of writing a small biography on yourself and allow other members to browse by locations and interests. Some more expressive online dating sites have webcam use and options to post pictures and write day to day blogs.

Online dating is a way to meet people with out that awkward back and forth questioning that many of us would rather avoid. Seeing that you already know each others interests, making conversation with someone you met online is easy and less demanding.

The massive business of online dating has even been the subject of mainstream movies like You've Got Mail, starring Hollywood heavyweights Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. The two meet online and find love through their interests and conversation with out even knowing who each other are.

Finding a mate online has made rejection almost a thing of the past. With all the people online looking for love, it is hard to not find someone to connect to. The thing about looking online for people and not choosing them doesn't hurt you or the person because both of you will never know each other since you don't match.

In 2002, a Wired magazine article said that, "Twenty years from now, the idea that someone looking for love without looking for it online will be silly." This alone forecasts a strong future for the world of online dating services and since the community has grown at an incredible rate.

With some patience and a good personality, anyone can find love on the internet because there is always someone for you.

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Online Dating Safety Tips

2009-01-28T10:32:00.000+07:00

Online dating is the best possible way to meet fantastic people who share your interests and passions. Every year, tens of thousands of people get married as a result of meeting on an online dating service. Millions of people are doing it and, in general, online dating is regarded as a safe medium for meeting potential dates.

Your online dating safety begins with educating yourself on how to improve your experience and be safe doing it. Below you will find 10 tips to being safe during your online dating experience.

Ten Essential Online Dating Safety Tips

1. Trust Your Gut Instinct

Your instinct is a powerful medium for knowing when something doesn't feel right. It is also a great way to measure when to move forward with someone and when to turn and run. As you read profiles, responses to emails, have phone conversations, and meet in person your instincts help tell you if something is "right" or if something is out of alignment. The "out of alignment" message is your cue to be careful, back off, or proceed with extreme caution. Trust your gut instinct, it's the most powerful psychological tool you have at your disposal.

2. Don't Provide Personal Information Too Soon

Your home phone number and full name provide easy ways to track who you are and where you live. Armed with just your home phone number, a person can easily gain access to your income information, home address, and even learn the value of your home. Armed with your first and last name, a person can do searches to determine quite a bit of information on you - where you work, what you do, and even what your home phone number is. So in the initial stages of communication, guard your personal information. As far as phone communication, see the next tip.

3. Use a Free Email Account

If you decide to move your communication from the anonymous email feature provided by the majority of online dating services then provide an email address that isn't your regular one. Sign up for a free Yahoo!, Hotmail, or Gmail account that you use just for online dating. Don't put your full name in the From field - only your first name or something else. This protects you from a person being able to search your normal email address to find out more information about you.

4. Use a Cell Phone or Anonymous Phone Service to Chat

When it's time to move your communication to the next level (talking on the phone), never give out your home phone number. Either provide a cell phone number, use Skype to communicate, or use an anonymous phone service. It's just an added protection barrier until you get to know the person better.

5. Beware of Married People

It's unfortunate, but a lot of married people do use online dating services. They'll even go as far as to meet people. A few years ago, MSNBC reported that a study found that up to 30% of people using online dating services are married! To help you in determining whether a person is married or not, read the Online Dating Magazine article, "Staying Clear of Married Men".

6. Look for Questionable Characteristics in Your Communication

As you chat via email and on the phone you may be able to start to pick out characteristics of the other person. Are they controlling? Do they seem to anger easily? Do they avoid some of your questions? These can be questionable characteristics that tell you it's time to move on.

7. Ask for a Recent Photo

There's nothing wrong in asking someone if their photos are recent. If they don't have a photo, request a recent one. It's important for you to get a good look at the person you may eventually meet. Plus your instincts from your communications and their photos may provide you with valuable insight into the person. Plus, if they tell you the photo is recent and you meet and see a major difference, then you'll know the person lied and can cut the date short. If a person lies about their photo or profile then that is a red flag to no longer pursue the relationship.

8. Stick With Paid Online Dating Services

Free online dating services provide a greater opportunity for potentially dangerous individuals. They don't ever have to provide a credit card or other information that identifies them. There is some truth to the saying, "you get what you pay for".

9. Don't Get a False Sense of Security

Some online dating services claim to offer "background checks" and when signing up for such a service you may find it easier to let your guard down. Don't. Laws differ from state-to-state when it comes to background checks and there are even several states where checks can't be effectively performed. Because of the inconsistency, criminals/wrong doers can and do get into services that do "background checks". Never let your guard down.

10. Meet in a Public Place for Your First Meeting

When it's time to schedule that first exciting face-to-face meeting, arrange to meet in a public place and provide your own transportation. Your initial meeting will tell you a lot about the other person, including whether or not he/she lied in their profile. Your gut instincts will kick in. Never accept an offer to be picked up at your house. Make sure that a friend knows where you are at and who you are with.

By following these tips, you'll help protect yourself from being an easy prey to someone who may have ulterior motives. With an average of 100+ marriages a day from online dating, you can see that the experience can be both safe and rewarding. Keep it safe!

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Online Dating For The Shy Person

2009-01-28T10:17:00.000+07:00

Are you a bit shy and quiet in groups? Do you need to get to know someone a little bit before they get to see the real you? With the speed of life today, being shy and slow to open-up can be a real problem in the dating world. If you have considered online dating, you may have shied away from posting your picture and a profile on a website for the whole world to see. If you are a bit shy and looking to find someone special, consider giving eHarmony a try. eHarmony has a number of strengths for the shy person.

Privacy

eHarmony is wonderful about respecting the privacy of its members. You are unlikely to have a neighbor or coworker looking at your profile, because it is only available to your eHarmony matches. eHarmony allows you to decide when you share your picture with your matches. eHarmony also provides a way to communicate with your matches while still maintaining your anonymity. You can go so far as meeting a match in person without ever sharing your phone number, address, e-mail address or even your last name.

eHarmony Matching System

eHarmony matches their members based on 29 dimensions of compatibility found in successful relationships. You are matched with singles that can appreciate the person you are inside. The next step is to find out if the personal chemistry is there. eHarmony’s matching system also spreads your matches over time, so you will not be matched with fifty people in one day. This keeps you from being overwhelmed and allows to focus on a few matches at a time.

eHarmony Communication Process

The eHarmony communication process begins when you or your match decide to initiate communication.

The steps involve:

1) Asking and answering five multiple-choice questions.
2) Sharing your Must Have’s and Can’t Stands.
3) Asking and answering three short answer questions.
4) E-mailing one another within eHarmony’s anonymous message system.

With other online dating services, you may end up wasting a lot of time coming up with a snappy e-mail just to get someone’s attention. With eHarmony, your time investment grows only after you have had a chance to determine your match is interested in pursuing the match further.

The eHarmony communication process allows your relationship with your matches to grow over time. With each step, you share a little more with one another. This allows you to slowly get to know each other and to become comfortable with one another.

With time, the anonymity of the eHarmony communication process allows you to relax and be yourself. Once that happens, you are in a great place to find a wonderful person who will love and appreciate you.

If you a bit shy and haven’t found that special person yet, they may be waiting for you at eHarmony. Make a bold move and give eHarmony a try.

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Online Dating - Talking To A Woman For The First Time

2009-01-27T11:35:00.000+07:00

The first big step in moving from an online relationship to one in the real world is talking on the phone for the first time. As a guy, you are probably going to be ready to take that step before your online match. With good reason, women approach online dating a bit more cautiously than men.

Your best chance to talk to her on the phone and eventually meet her is to allow things to move forward at a pace she feels comfortable. You should be willing to take things slow and let her be in the driver’s seat. When you want to talk to her on the phone, simply let her know that you are willing to give her your number when she is ready for your first phone call.

Get A Few Calling Cards

There is a good possibility that you will end up communicating with women that are outside your local calling area. Local toll calls can be quite expensive. A way around this is to get a calling card. Costco has calling cards for 2.9 cents a minute, for local and long distance calls. This compares to 10+ cents a minute from your local phone company. Offer your calling card number when you give her your phone number.

Over and above the cost savings, it shows the woman that you are thoughtful and considerate. I would suggest that you have several calling cards and you think about using a new one with each woman that you talk with on the phone. If a online match does not work out, you can use the remaining minutes for your own phone calls.

Conversation Topics

Before your online match calls you on the phone, review her profile and your correspondence with her. Use the information from her profile and your correspondence to come up with a few conversation topics. Write down four or five friendly questions that you could ask her on the first phone call. Should the conversation drag or you get a little flustered, you can use one of your questions to help get the conversation back on track.

Send An E-Mail After Your First Phone Call

If you had a successful first phone call, before you go to bed, send her a short e-mail saying that you enjoyed talking with her.

This accomplishes several things:

1. It lets her know that you are still interested in getting to know her.
2. It terms of the next communication, it puts the ball in her court.
3. Her response will give you a sense of her level of interest.
4. It is the best way to help move the relationship forward without you looking pushy.

Talking on the phone for the first time with your online match is a big step toward meeting your match in person. Making sure she feels comfortable is the key to a successful first phone call.

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Online Dating - A Whole New World

2009-01-27T11:28:00.000+07:00

Not so long ago there was a certain stigma surrounding the idea of two people meeting through contact on the Internet. Not so now though! Online dating is becoming more favorably accepted in society, with many dating sites offering facilities and features that make it convenient, exciting and safer to interact without the necessity of staying in a bar until the early hours...

As life becomes more hectic, with the pressures of work, family and other commitments, many adults find it increasingly difficult to make time to socialize, and especially at venues where they are more likely to meet a prospective partner. Others have become disenchanted with the bar scene, or late night clubs, and it is not surprising that a growing number of people are looking to the internet to find friendship, romance or even marriage.

The obvious benefits of online dating revolve around the confidentiality and security limits which are decided by each individual. In creating your profile you choose the details you want to be made public about your physical attributes, character, likes, dislikes etc and in adding a photo image to your profile, you are in control of how others will see you. You can choose who you would like to interact with, the level of interaction and who you would rather ignore.

So you make contact with one or two members who have taken your eye for one reason or another. Physical attraction is all important, and fortunately for us all, we have differing tastes in what we find appealing in others. Initial contact can be made through a whisper or wink to show the interest is there, and the next interaction would typically be through the website's internal emailing system.

This is not a live process so you have plenty of time to think about what you write, or how you answer questions. At this point you are still remaining reasonably anonymous, as all the other members know about you is what they have learned from viewing your profile.

Once that initial approach has been made, a few email messages have been exchanged, and the interest still remains, the next step in the online dating process would ideally be to engage in live chat. This is where you really get to learn about your prospective date.

Many dating sites have either an instant messenger program within the site or a chat room. Instant messenger gives you the option of making contact in a live 'one on one' situation, whereas you will have the opportunity to chat to a plethora of users in a chat room, either privately or in public.

Members will usually type their live messages as they normally talk, so you start to learn about the character behind the keyboard. Their sense of humour, education and attitude to subjects will start to become apparent. It is amazing how much you can learn about a fellow member's makeup through online chat.

There are those that hide behind the Internet, and are not honest about certain aspects of their personal statistics. For example, age, height and size may all be inaccurate on their profile, and in some cases, devious users may even use a photograph that is several years old or not even of themselves.

This is where the use of the webcam comes in handy. Camming has to be an important part of the online dating process, and should take place before any live meeting. You can identify physical attributes as well as witnessing a smile, or see the mannerisms that are distinctive to that particular person. Here is where you decide whether or not you want to meet your friend in person and take the process offline.

Even if you are excited about your new date and are thinking very positively about the prospects of a live meeting, there can still be a level of disappointment when you actually meet. Nothing is for certain and although you can seem to hit it off online and even through phone calls, there is no way to examine the chemistry through a keyboard. And very often you will know within the first few minutes of meeting.

However, the process of online dating, can be extremely exciting and the excitement far outweighs the disappointment. It's good to take your time and let the process happen at a steady rate. The online dating process cant be rushed, and cutting corners will usually end in disaster. So enjoy the early interactions, learn about your new found friendship, keep your personal security as high as it needs to be, and try to keep your expectations down to a minimum until you finally get to meet that special someone. By that time you will know far more about him/her than you would on a conventional first date.

Online dating has many advantages. Use them all to the fullest and you'll discover a whole new world which can be a great deal of fun and an extremely adventurous experience.

By : Trevor Taylor

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Some Facts About Online Dating Personals

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Saving The Relationship

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Relationship problems solutions

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Protect Yourself Against Online Relationship Scams

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Online Dating. Is It Taken To Seriously

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