Fun First Dates | First Date Ideas

Once you have found somebody who has agreed to go out on a first date with you, you may find yourself under a lot of pressure in planning that first date.

Planning a first date can be very stressful because you want everything to go without a hitch in order that you can perhaps set yourself up for a second date.

Ideally, the first date offers a couple the chance to get to know each other better in a casual atmosphere that does not put too much pressure on either of them to keep up a constant stream of small talk. If you have any reservations about the conversation aspect of a first date, you can always plan a date that focuses more on an activity than on conversation.

This type of date which focuses on a fun filled activity may be beneficial in leading to a second date. First dates do not have to be stressful and there are many activities that are perfect for whatever type of date you are looking to have.

First Date Ideas

Dinner Theater - The atmosphere in a dinner theater is usually cozy and romantic while at the same time providing the perfect blend of conversation and entertainment. While a traditional dinner date can lead to awkward pauses in the conversation and the stress of juggling dinner and conversation, a dinner theater removes that problem because the meal is usually served during the performance. ]

Consequently, you will be able to eat your meal without having to worry about small talk. During the intervals you can get to know each other and if you have trouble with a conversation starter you can always fall back on talking about the performance.

Museums or Art Galleries - The laid back atmosphere of a museum or art gallery removes the normal pressures of first dates as there is so much to see and do that you will not be lacking things to talk about. You can spend a few hours wandering through the exhibits and really get to know your date. Be sure to ask questions about what your date likes or does not like about the exhibits. Being inquisitive will give you a better understanding of your date’s personality.

Theme Parks - Everybody loves the chance to relive their childhood again and the opportunity to spend a day on thrill rides is a great way to spend a first date. The long queues will give you plenty of time to talk and get to know each other and you may find that every time the conversation starts to dry up, you have made it to the front of the queue and it is your turn to jump on board and enjoy the ride. The exhilaration of thrill rides may loosen inhibitions and bring a first date couple closer together.

Movie and Dinner - If you are nervous about conversation, you may want to try the traditional movie and dinner first date. The movie portion of the date takes the stress of conversation off of your shoulders and afterward at dinner you have an instant conversation starter. If you cannot think of anything to talk about, you can always ask her what she thought of the movie in order to start up a conversation. You may just find that after spending a couple of hours in a movie theater, you already feel a lot closer to your date and conversation will just flow naturally.

Coffee Shop - If conversation is not a problem for you and you are not concerned about keeping a conversation going, a great first date idea would be a coffee shop. The coffee shop environment is such that there is little else to do except talk to your date. This is a perfect scenario for the person who enjoys the art of conversation and is really looking forward to getting to know their date.

Fun Center or Funfair - A trip to a funfair that offers mini-golf and arcade games is another fun first date idea. Engaging in a game of miniature golf or squaring off by playing some video games is a fun and competitive way to spend your first date. The activities are lighthearted and fun and introducing the element of competition really loosens people up so you and your date will probably have an easy time getting to know each other.

The key to a successful first date is to plan activities that are fun and entertaining without placing too much pressure on either party. Finding relaxing ways to get to know your date will ensure that your first date is a no stress event that will quite possibly lead to a second date.

A completely no stress date is one that both parties enjoy and one that allows the couple to engage in a balance of fun and meaningful conversation without putting too much emphasis on any one aspect of the date.


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Five Great Internet Dating Ideas

If you are really interested in impressing someone you met on an internet dating website, you may want to think about what it is the two of you should do for your first date. Most people meet for coffee and that is fine to see if you are interested in a real date, but if you want to really make an impression, you might want to think of something unique for the two of you to do.

How about a game of pool

Taking your date to play a few games of pool doesn’t mean you have to take them to a bar. This is a terrific internet dating idea. You can visit one of the many pool halls you are sure to find in your area. Many pool halls are classically decorated and cater to a varied crowd. Many serve drinks, have other games to play and serve a variety of food. This can be a casual atmosphere in which you and your date can get to know each other and have some fun.

The finest restaurant in town

You are sure to make a gold impression by taking your date to the finest dining establishment in town. This internet dating idea is one that is sure to score points. You can make reservations and have some special touches in place before you arrive. You might ask for fresh flowers on the table, a special bottle of wine or arrange for a signature dessert to end the evening.

Maybe a round of golf

If your internet dating buddy is into hitting the links, you might think about a rousing game of golf for your first date. You can pick an impressive course that will challenge you both while giving you a chance to learn more about each other. If conventional golf is not your thing, why not play a game of miniature golf? This permits you to converse freely while having a good time in view of plenty of people.

A picnic spells romance

Planning a picnic in the park, by a lake or along the shore is a wonderfully romantic internet dating idea. Your date and you will enjoy the fresh air and sunshine while you take the time to get to know each other as you share a picnic lunch. You can create a variety of finger foods that are bound to tempt the taste buds of your date.

Get behind the wheel

Another fun idea for you and your date to do is to check out a go cart track. This can be an exciting way for you to spend time with your date. Often there are a wide array of other games of skill and chance to try your hand at playing.

You and your date will be in a relaxed atmosphere where having fun is the name of the game. If an arcade is not your style or you hate go carts, perhaps you can visit a festival or a fair in your area. Being in public is important to the both of you since you have communicated only online and these ideas will allow you to feel safe as well as get to know your potential mate.


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Finding a Great Guy Online: An Insider's Guide And three success stories...

by Marissa Gold

Looking for a serious relationship? There's surely no faster or easier way to meet someone than through online dating — and weeding out Mr. Wrongs from the comfort of your own home sure beats spending countless Saturday nights on dates from hell. But is it really as simple as logging on, signing up and — POOF! — finding your soul mate? Maybe! But the perfect guy won't necessarily come to you — you've got to use the resources at your fingertips to find each other. But who am I to say this, and how do I know? Well…

As you may have guessed, I'm speaking from experience. I met my boyfriend online over a year ago. I may have been a 20-something single smack-dab in one of the most active dating scenes in the world, but NYC is notorious for being a very challenging place to meet quality guys. So when I'd had one too many $14 drinks and heard one too many lame pickup lines, I started complaining to friends about my dating difficulties.

Surprisingly, everyone had the same response: "Have you tried going online?" Apparently, they all had — and they gave it positive reviews across the board. So I signed up on a site, and, lo and behold, the first guy I went out with ended up becoming my boyfriend. Was it luck or just solid technique? I like to think it was a little of both.

Two women who have the technique down are Beth Roberts and Karin Anderson, who recently co wrote a book called Finding Your Mate Online: No Fear, No Embarrassment, Just Love! Why did these two high-powered businesswomen write a book? Because they're both smart, attractive and successful — and they both met their husbands online. "We strongly believe that you should approach online dating as though it were a job. Don't just jump in; be organized and have a plan," says Roberts.

Here are their seven top tips.

1. Just Say No

The first rule of success is to not compromise. "If you definitely want to meet a man to marry and have children, make that one of your criteria," says Roberts. And if you have a deal breaker in mind, don't compromise on that either. These aren't silly things like a hair-color preference; these are real needs that only you can identify for yourself.

Now, as for the guys who don't make the cut, there will inevitably be many of them who'll contact you. And if you know you're not interested, writing out a detailed pity response to each one will just take time away from finding someone you do want to pursue. Anderson's advice: Prepare a standard reply for men who don't meet your requirements:

"Thanks for your reply. You sound like a great guy, but I don't think we're a match. Best of luck in your search!"

Simple as that. And you're on to bigger and better things…

2. Sell Yourself

Next up: your profile. "The number one mistake that everyone — not just women — makes with an online dating ad is writing about what they want instead of what they have to offer," says Roberts. It's important to give people a sense of your personality and what you bring to the table, too.

Anderson adds, "Too often we find women's ads full of clichés like 'I love romantic walks on the beach' or generic statements like 'I love going to the movies.' Offer examples of what you did last weekend, which book you're in the middle of reading, and what athletic activity you do every week." Don't be afraid to get a little personal — that's why it's called a personal ad, after all.

3. Tell Me No Lies

Many people fear online dating for the same reason: They're afraid people aren't honest in their profiles. The temptation to knock off a few pounds, a few years, or even to add a figure or two to your salary can be tempting. But resist the urge! "White lies or fudging, whatever you want to call it, defeats the entire purpose of online dating!" says Anderson. "You're looking for someone who thinks you are the most fabulous person in the world."

So don't worry about whether you'd look better if you made a little tweak here, a little change there: If you want a lasting relationship, you'll need to find someone who loves you just the way you are.

4. It Takes a Village

Online dating doesn't have to be something you do secretly on your own. Get your friends, your coworkers or even your family involved. It's great to get input on your profile (or someone else's) from people who know you.

Plus, keeping friends in the loop by checking out different profiles together makes the whole process more fun! Just don't forget to get some guys involved. "We all know great men similar to the one we'd like to meet. They are our coworkers, brothers-in-law, acquaintances, etc.," says Anderson. "Get their opinion on your ad… and follow their advice!"

5. Do the Dirty Work

Remember that part about not expecting the perfect guy to come to you? Well, now's the time to go find him. Search through thousands or even millions of profiles by making use of different filters available on the site. Whether you narrow potential dates down by age, distance from you or even specific preferences like smoker or nonsmoker and hip-hop or classic rock, be proactive and look around at who's out there.

Jot down favorites you find as you go and create a list of your top 10. Some dating sites even allow you to bookmark profiles or create a list within the site itself. Then send a quick note to each guy to initiate the conversation. Be brief, be friendly and highlight a common interest if you can. For example:

Hi. I saw that you went to Vassar — I did too! What year did you graduate?

or

Hi, there! So, you love bulldogs? I have one (Sparky). You can see him in one of the pictures on my profile. What do you think? Is he cute enough for you?

If he hadn't come across your profile before, you know he'll check it out now.

6. First-Date Prep

Once you've chatted with someone long enough to get a vibe from each other, it's time to take things offline. While it can seem like you already know him, don't forget that he's still technically a stranger, and you should take the same precautions you would when going on any other first date.

Before you meet a guy face-to-face, you should Google him to see if what he said about his past (what he does for a living, where he went to school) matches up. It's also a good idea to have a brief phone conversation, which can help break the ice and give you a better sense of his personality. As for the actual date, Roberts emphasizes the importance of meeting in a public place like a bar or restaurant and arranging your own transportation so you won't be relying on — or stuck with — anyone.

7. Still No Luck?

If you haven't met a match yet, Anderson points out that you shouldn't give up — just change your profile. "If you don't receive the replies you desire, have you tried a new screen name? New photos? New ad?" Try making your screen name more specific — using an ordinary one puts you at risk to blend in with thousands of other similar names.

And try uploading more than just one photo; it'll give other members a better idea of what you look like. One final trick to tip the odds in your favor: "We recommend you post at least two ads simultaneously," says Roberts. One at a major Website with millions of members, and one at a specialty Website where you have a common interest with other members right off the bat. If you're active about doing your part to put yourself out there, chances are you will find what you're looking for.

Just Do It!

If you're still hesitant to try online dating, remember this: The pool of people who date online is growing exponentially. With major dating sites seeing membership in the millions, you instantly have that many more potential dates than what any local bar can offer.

Before you've even said hello, you've got a stat sheet in front of you telling you everything you need to know (and then some) about every guy on the site — and in his own words. Plus, you'll be able to meet people you'd never come across in real life. My boyfriend lived 10 blocks away, worked across the street from my office and grew up in the same town as I did, but neither of us knew the other existed until we discovered each other online. So just give it a try! You could be passing a great guy on the street every day and not even know it.

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Dealing with Long Distance Relationships

Distance is not an issue with online dating until such time as you are ready to meet in person. Then, how far you live from one another becomes a major concern. Long distance relationships, known in cyberspace as an LDR, require a great deal of effort regardless of whether it was initiated offline or online.

Longing to be together physically, feelings of pity, mistrust and frustration as well as not having extra funds to cover traveling costs are all issues that must be dealt with in a long distance relationship.

How can you get to see the person with whom you have been virtually corresponding and with whom you have made that true love connection. That depends on where the other person lives, how much you each can budget for travel expenses, and in the end, whether or not you both feel that meeting in person is going to be worth all of the effort.

Long Distance Relationship Advice

If money is not an problem, start by working out what the other person needs to legally enter the country in which you live. This most likely is a passport or visa, both of which take a number of weeks to process. The sooner you begin coordinating the details, the sooner you will be able to actually touch one another which in turn should provide all of the encouragement that you need.

For some people, traveling is part of their jobs, so you may find yourself in a position in which the other person can meet with you after he or she meets with a client.

This type of casual meeting works well for a while but when it gets to the point where this occasional contact is not enough, you will both have important decisions to make.

One of those decisions is whether either of you are prepared to move home. This is possibly the biggest issue involving long distance romances. In the end, and in order for long distance relationships to flourish and move to the next level, one of you will need to move home.

Most people dream of moving to another place, but the realities of such a move almost always get in the way, and moving does not take place. Family ties, job, friends, mortgages, and the community are hard to break, and is a lot to give up for a chance at love. The payoffs of this type of risk can be immense, but only if you are prepared to take that risk.

For some people, being involved in an long distance relationship becomes a comfortable situation. The relationship fulfills the need to have another person in your life but can also keep that person from making a real effort at finding a viable partner. In the end what has really happened is a lot of life has been wasted.

At the end of the day, you have to decide if you can really take pleasure in the occasional meeting, chat on the telephone or written communication. If you cannot live for the moment and enjoy what you have at that instant, long distance relationships will not ever work for you.

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Dating Scams: What are they and why do they occur?

There has been a lot of attention given to online dating scams in the popular press and media over recent years, so much so that many people are to afraid to try online dating for fear that behind every friendly internet persona is a money-grabbing scam-artist.

Of course, this is far from the truth and yet at the same time it’s important not to underestimate the real risk. There are a lot of scam artists online, and it is important that responsible adults take the proper precautions against them.

Usually from countries that are struggling economically, Dating Scammers are often attempting to make their livelihood by seducing men from Western Europe and America and persuading them to give them money. There are various other techniques that scammers use to make money from gullible people, but this is one of the most common.

This persuasion can take various forms from “I can’t afford a plane ticket to come and see you” to “they’ll repossess my house unless I give them £10,000 by Tuesday” but the principle is often the same: an apparently attractive young woman with poor English skills suddenly takes an interest in you, this lasts a few weeks at most, exchanging sentimental and/or erotic messages and emails before she suddenly needs money and you are her only hope.

The pattern is easy to recognize and really the most obvious indicator is when a woman from a lower economically developed country seems to take an inordinate amount of interest in you very quickly.

There are many reasons why Dating Scams happen, the most obvious of which is that it is an easy way to make money. There are an awful lot of vulnerable and insecure men looking for love online, and the fact that they can and do is perhaps one of the more positive consequences of the relative anonymity available to people online. However, this inevitably makes it easy for those who would disguise their identity to take advantage of these same men for money.

In Nigeria, perhaps the country most notorious for its abundance of scam artists, the national minimum wage is 5,500 Nigerian Naira per month which works out to roughly $50 U.S Dollars. It is likely that many are paid far, far less than this amount without their employers coming under scrutiny.

Under these circumstances, it is not surprising that when many see an opportunity to earn much more for little work from Westerners who are so much richer than them, they take it. The same applies for many Eastern European and South American countries also.

In the end however, Dating Scams are often heartbreaking and expensive affairs and whilst they are comparatively rare it is important that anyone who takes online dating seriously should learn more about them and take adequate steps to protect themselves from the risks.

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Dating Married People: Affairs Are A Dangerous Game

If I had to get on my knees to beg you not to do one thing in your life it would be this - dating a married person. In the USA 44% of married men have an extramarital affair and 32% of married women follow suit. In the USA almost 50% of all marriages fail. In the UK that figure is around 33%.

So from square one, marriage requires one's utmost attention to sustain it. Messing about with a third party is not going to help. Speaking from experience, having an affair with a married person is the single most stupid thing you will ever do. Period. If you want to lose all the dignity you ever had, lose your self-worth and wreck people's lives on top of your own then please go ahead.

I will be brutal here; You are stupid if you do. Affairs with married people often happen due to purely selfish desire and due to sheer boredom and it will hurt you. You will not come out of it well. An opportunity is presented to you and you are too greedy to say no. Sex with a married person is dramatic, open, stimulating and very exciting. For the married person it is all these things plus a release from the mundane situation they find themselves in; a release from the boring sex and drudgery of daily life. And none of it will last.

The problem with dating a married person when you are single is that you remain single throughout the affair. You are not a couple so don't fool yourself. Sure you may act like a couple when you are together, but you aren't. In the very beginning you will see quite a lot of your new lover. Secret dates will be established and the excitement will make you feel alive. But as soon as the guilt sets in for your married lover, excuses will develop and you will be kept hanging on, but ever available just in case they can make it. It is a subtle process and by the time you realize, it's often too late to save your heart.

Oh yes, you will never be without a phone on the off chance that your lover will call. They want to see you but you must be understanding that its not easy for them. Indeed you will be praised for just how understanding you are. You have just become a saint and a martyr. In the meantime they will be tucked up in bed with their other half trying to fix things.

They won't tell you that of course, because they don't want to hurt you. You will have to endure endless months of discussing what it will be like when you are together (which you probably never will) and you will face comparisons with their spouse at every turn, even if they never vocalize it.

You will be expected to be available just in case because one can never tell when your crutch-like strength will be required and you will be thankful for any small morsel of time you are given. They will insist that the evening you had a week last Tuesday was a great deal for them to arrange so be grateful and that you should just hang on for them if you love them. And so it goes on, month after month.

Of course the key thing that makes your affair different from everyone else's is that it is 'different'. Your passion and love is almost unique and you know they are in a terrible marriage and they made a mistake and you will be perfect together. In other words, you will make excuses whenever possible to justify the situation - just a little more time and things will be fantastic.

No one else can possibly understand what you both are going through and so you will withdraw from some of your friends. Partly because they strongly disapprove of what you are doing. Your weekends will be wasted as will vacations because whilst you are alone waiting at home for the phone to ring, they will be at social functions and parties and all kinds of domestic events that you would die to have but are never afforded the opportunity of having.

You trust your lover implicitly. After all you are in this together. The thing is your entire relationship is already founded on deceit. And if they can do it to their husband or wife they can also do it to you. And they will. Eventually!

You see, if your lover was going to leave their partner they would have to leave for themselves and not for you. If they are going to do it for themselves it will be much sooner rather than later. If they haven't become single within 12 weeks they probably never will. They must leave not for you but for their own reasons. If they leave for you, you will be held silently accountable in future every time life is not perfect. And for all you know, they may always be looking backwards with a half-glance and all that they left behind.

If children are involved in the marriage then although you may not be able to fix their marriage, you are contributing to destroy it and with it, the children's stability. Walk away as fast as possible in the opposite direction and keep walking. Never fool yourself here, dating a married person is a complete waste of time in 99% of cases. A very few do make it through but almost all don't. You will have absolutely no idea as to what your married lover is going through and you will be nothing more than light relief to something far more serious.

You will lose self respect because you are sharing your lover, you are falling in love with someone you cannot have, you are second best most of the time and you will be extremely lonely. Most of the evenings will not be with your loved one so your relationship cannot grow, much of what you do will be based around sex not love. Your relationship will be extremely intense but will be sporadic and unfulfilled. As a woman you will be made to feel cheap and may even fall pregnant in which case your situation has just become highly complex.

The thing I cannot stress enough is how much you will be lied to. The person you love will be telling you lies almost constantly. It is not that they are essentially bad, it is that they will over time get used to lying to spare feelings whilst protecting themselves. And do remember that in the midst of such emotional turmoil, they will have no option but to start considering only themselves.

In the end they will find lying to everyone second nature, even though it may be cutting them up emotionally. A married lover simply wants to sit on the fence and never make a decision. They want you to decide for them which of course you cannot. You could demand that they leave their partner for you once and for all, but in doing so you are now standing in the firing line.

Finally, they will see you as part of the turmoil of their life and they will ditch you, just like their spouse. You get tarnished with the same brush. That's how it works.

The simple question I will ask is that if you really do value yourself and understand yourself and if you truly believe that there are some truly great single people out there, why would you waste your life on dating a married person. For all these words, people will continue to learn from their own mistakes and in doing so pass on their valuable lessons to others. But for the sake of some short term passionate sex, you truly could be risking everything. Let us hope that you have the wisdom to walk away and not look back.

If you really want to remind yourself of what life and love is about, watch the video to the song by Air called All I Need. The girl sums it up perfectly in the first 60 seconds. You won't find it in an affair.

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Dating Dislikes: Traits We Won't Accept

Dating dislikes are a personal thing that's for sure. The things one person loves someone for can be the cause for divorce in another case. You may love the way they smile with one gold tooth, wink from under their sunshades, flick their dyed orange hair or paint their nails blue, that is your prerogative of course.

There are though some common trends that we all share when dating anyone.

1. The top of the list by far in the league of dating dislikes is hygiene. You may laugh at this but believe me, it is often overlooked, especially by men. Turning up for a date doesn't just mean a quick rake of the hair and the straightening of a T shirt. Remember, first impressions count and may be the only impression you leave. Before a date get yourself to the chemist and then to the bathroom (guys) and sort yourselves out.

Have a shave, wash your hair, scrub up well and get suited and booted. It is your chance to shine so make sure you are shining. Yeah, okay you may be a jeans and T shirt kind of guy. Leave that until later. Brush your teeth for two straight minutes, wear deodorant and Aftershave ( a little of the good stuff only please) and put on a shirt! If I need to refer a woman to hygiene then enough said.

2. Clothes are big dating dislikes. The wrong clothes that is. The amount of times I have witnessed a good looking girl dressed immaculately only to discover her new man wearing an anorak in a trendy bar, a T-shirt in a restaurant, jeans to the theater. It breaks one's heart.

The fact is, a first date is very important. Once again its the time for you both to shine. You don't need to be wearing Gucci or Armani though it can help on occasions but you should be comfortable too. So smart casual can be good depending on your date. This is often why I recommend dating first at lunchtimes mid week. You are already dressed for work so you may already be wearing a suit.

If not and your job is manual then leave the first date until evening. But for men you should wear a shirt and trousers and look presentable. No garish Hawaii kit at this stage guys. For women , something understated and stylish but with a hint of chic. Once again, too tight, too short or too fashionable may leave you feeling wrongly dressed for the wrong date and wishing you hadn't bothered.

3. Money. Hmm yes money. A big issue this one in the dating dislikes list. Too flash and your out. Too downtrodden and you are out guys. Too much chat about cash and you are out, too little ambition and you are out. Seriously, keep your cash conversations to a zero level and enjoy your date together. If you want to talk about ambitions avoid chatting about your braining desire for a a Lear jet and a house in the Hamptons.

If you aspire to be Gordon Gecko cool but don't ram it down your date's throat. Money, contrary to many impressions doesn't impress at first, it simply polarizes views. It can leave your date feeling very uncomfortable either way. If you are dating out of your financial zone then don't try and pretend as that will be fatal. Instead always keep to something affordable, after all, you are spending time with someone, not their wallet or purse. If you do happen to be a millionaire, keep that until your 4th date!

4. Lying. People tell lies on dates, in fact most people do and this is a great dating dislike. They do this because they want to appear exciting and invigorating and interesting. This means that some of the things you are told are not true, or only partially true. Usually in any good dating scenario these little white lies get played out and over laughter, good conversation and a drink the truth escapes easily as you both relax.

Whilst entertaining, little white lies show the path towards dating disaster. People are in fact seeking honesty and this is one of the basic building blocks of any new dating experience. Get caught out later at your peril.

5. Getting drunk. Here lays the true path to disaster. Okay if you are a student and young then much dating is to be had near the bars of many college campuses and I for one have many fond memories. However as we get older the anti is raised and so we need to keep out wits about us. Girlfriends have told me that the most promising dates they have been on have gone nowhere simply because their dates got lashed on Vodka or beer.

Now 99% of the reason behind this is nerves. Many people are far better with a drink inside them than without. It's a relaxant, it calms nerves and fears and promotes a feeling of confidence. In that sense, a drink is good for dating, the problem is that it doesn't end there. If you go to far in the early stages of dating you can simply end up undoing all your good work. If you are nervous you can end up drinking too much and making a fool of yourself. So whilst drinking can be fine, leave it out at this stage of your dating game plan.

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Cyberflirt: 6 Do's and Don'ts of Email Courtship

The art of making a good first impression on a man has changed considerably with the advent of online dating. Using this medium, it's not necessary to check if there's lipstick on your teeth but rather if there are typos in your profile. And how can you tell if the guy who sounds so great on "paper" is the real thing? Most importantly, once you and a cyber beau initially - pardon the pun - click, how can you gracefully move it offline?

Here are the do's and don'ts of email courtship:

1. May I Have This Dance? Feel free to initiate contact with a potential Mr. Wonderful. As in real life, male online daters commonly make the first move, so a note from an attractive woman like you will be the highlight of his day. Keep it short but include something that shows you relate to particulars in his ad: "I was drawn to your love of swing dancing." He wants to feel singled out, not receive a cookie-cutter response that could be sent to every man on the site.


2. Capital Offenses. Your mom likely told you it's rude to shout, but she didn't forewarn you that USING CAPS IN YOUR EMAILS is the same as yelling. The woman who gave you life probably also neglected to advise you to beware of men who communicate via "winks" (an option to contact another member to convey interest, without writing a message - or paying), one-word responses and "collect calls." The former two are lazy with a side order of obnoxiousness; the latter expects you to pay for the privilege of receiving his email.

Online dater Sharon Hodgson has her list of top tacky transgressions. "Obviously looks are important and you should expect the other person will want a photo. But when the first thing a respondent asks is, 'Do you have a picture?' - often when he hasn't posted one! - my radar is up." Hodgson also cites emoticon offenders. The University of Maryland social worker sniffs, "I can't take anyone seriously who is constantly doing LOL or smiley-facing or even writing shorthand. People shouldn't be so casual in emails."


3. Just Say No. Women typically get swamped in emails, so they let slide the ones from men that don't interest them. While not a cardinal offense, it's a little cruel to keep him hanging. Send an acknowledgment along the lines of, "I'm complimented that such a great guy wants to know me a little better. Unfortunately I don't see us as compatible. But thank you so much for writing and best of luck."


4. Honesty Lite. Emily Calvo explains, "I am not advocating lying. It's important to tell the truth." The author of 25 Words or Less: How to Write Like a Pro to Meet That Special Someone through Personal Ads quickly adds, "However, don't tell too much too soon. A little mystery is better than a lengthy soap opera detailing all that analysis has taught you." Give the essentials with a positive spin. For example, it's important for him to know you're a single mother. But don't complain about your stresses. Instead, share that while you love your kids, it's time for you to develop a personal life.

At this early stage it's also important to share information that might quickly uncover a major incompatibility. Say he's allergic to animals and you have two kittens. Or you're a vegetarian and he's a butcher with a rib roast fixation. And he'll realize you're a night owl if the timestamps on your emails are 2am rather than 8pm. Better to suss out potential roadblocks sooner than later.


5. From Computer to Coffeehouse. Resist the temptation to get caught up in an online love affair where each of you writes increasingly lengthy and intimate life histories. It's impossible to discover whether you're suited until you're sharing oxygen. How many emails should it take before you get together? National dating coach Patti Feinstein says, "Emailing back and forth for a month never works. Once a mutual agreement is made that there is interest, it's best to meet in a public place as soon as possible."

Online dater Sherry Alpert attempts to set up a phone call and/or a date after two or three reciprocated emails. "The ones who won't do it I call 'toe in the water' guys. I've noted to them that prolonged emails are a waste of time." Her firmness usually eliminates the vague "let's get together sometime" emails. If the man refuses to be pinned down for a meeting without a valid excuse (ie, an out-of-town trip is on the horizon), she's soon outta there.


6. Post-Date Email. Scenario 1: If you like the guy and don't hear from him within a few days, it's fine to shoot off a quick email: "Thanks for the drink and the fun company. I really enjoyed meeting you." He'll either contact you for a date or not. If it's "or not," cut your losses and move on. Scenario 2: You don't like the guy and he keeps bugging you for a return engagement. Just send a quick note: "While I truly enjoyed meeting you, I just didn't feel we were compatible enough to pursue a relationship. But I wish you all the best."

Ready to take it to the next level? Check out our online dating page and see what happens...

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Coping with Online Dating Rejection

Will there ever be a 'right' way to reject another. You would think that in the world of online dating, dating rejection would not hurt as much as being rejected 'in person'. So far however, that has not been shown to be true. As in the world of offline dating, it seems that no matter which way you elect to break it off with another you have met online, it is going to be a slap in the face to the person on the receiving end.

When a person is rejected it is human nature to wonder, 'What did I do wrong" or 'Was it something I said" regardless of the circumstances surrounding the rejection.
How to Cope With Dating Rejection

If you have suffered dating rejection online, rather than spending way too much time dwelling on the subject, try taking a proactive stance. One thing that is never a good idea is to continually try to make contact with someone who is not responding back to your invitation to communicate. If that person is not replying, take the hint and move on. Continually trying to contact somebody who is not responding back can be perceived as stalking and you might find your membership canceled or your communications being censored.

If you are receiving more online rejections than interest, it might be worthwhile reviewing your online profile. Maybe you are coming across as very needy, not serious about developing a relationship, or perhaps your profile needs more of a positive spin. Take another look at your photo because it might not be a good likeness of you and your features. The photo you post should be of just you otherwise those looking at it may make incorrect assumptions about who you are or what you are looking for.

Being rejected hurts regardless of the scenario, and just as it is when you are trying to make a sale, you will undoubtedly have to hear a lot of 'No' before you get a 'Yes'. So if you think of online dating as a numbers game, realize that the more communication you start, the more likely you are to get a higher rate of response.

When You Need to do the Dating Rejection

Now what happens when the boot is on the other foot and it is you who needs to do the rejecting. Tread carefully as what you do say is as equally important as what you do not say.

Regardless of which way you approach it, rejecting another is a guaranteed no win situation. If you send no reply, you are perceived as being rude and having no manners. If you do give a reason, the person on the receiving end is certain to scrutinize your reasons.

The best advice is to be honest when rejecting another. Although they may feel hurt by your rejection, you can at least feel good in yourself knowing that you did the right thing.

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Conscious Internet Dating: Balancing High Tech with High Touch

In a new trend, singles are becoming increasingly frustrated with internet dating. In spite of millions of singles using the internet and the promises and success stories of online matchmaking websites, I've heard the same thing over and over from singles across the country who are frustrated with internet dating-

"It's great to have a lot of choices, but it takes a lot of time and I don't seem to meet anyone I have much chemistry with."

This makes sense to me. In some ways, using a computer to find your soul mate is like trying to cook a souffle in a microwave. Some things just require time, effort, and the human touch.

This article explores the upsides and downsides of internet dating, attempts to explain why internet dating is frustrating for some singles, and suggests alternatives.

Top Five Advantages of Internet Dating

1. Reach more singles

2. Inexpensive (relatively)

3. Enough information available for efficient sorting

4. Anonymous

5. Easy to control most aspects of the process

Top Five Downsides of Internet Dating

1. Overwhelming number of choices

2. Encourages "shopping" mentality

3. Many users are less than truthful

4. Some users are game players, predators. cheaters

5. Complacency- tempting to rely on the internet and exclude other options

The Internet, Chemistry, and the Law of Attraction

Today's singles seem to be relying on their computer a bit too much and complacently expecting the internet to deliver their soul mate. This is a version of the Fairytale Trap (one of fourteen dating traps in my book "Conscious Dating").

The internet is a wonderful tool (I use it!) but doesn't seem to work effectively as the only tool for finding potential partners.

I believe that the two biggest reasons why the internet isn't effective for many singles is the role of chemistry and the Law of Attraction.

Chemistry is critically important for a successful relationship. Everyone wants a partner they feel strong chemistry with, and a relationship would be pretty dry and unsustainable without it. The Fourth Principle of Conscious Dating is "Balance Your Heart With Your Head." Identifying your requirements, needs, and wants does not minimize the need for chemistry. You need both! I like to think of chemistry as the radar that helps you find your target, then you use your requirements, needs and wants to decide "yes" or "no."

The Law of Attraction is inescapable and either works for you or against you. If you're "busy" or "shy" and the internet is your only means of reaching potential partners, in a way you're hiding behind your computer and the Law of Attraction is not likely to help you.

The Law of Attraction states that "like attracts like" and "energy follows attention," meaning your results reflect your thoughts and your actions. Over the years I've become convinced that the Law of Attraction is a powerful law of the Universe, like gravity. Just like "what goes up must come down," try as you might, you can't avoid or change the principle that "like attracts like."

If you're hiding behind your computer, what people, relationships, and results are you likely to attract?

Top Five Ways to Supplement High Tech with High Touch

1. Use your support community

Most people find their soul mate through someone they know, so don't be a lone ranger (another dating trap!) and lean on your friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors to assist you to meet potential partners.

2. Start a dating pool or networking group

Get a group of singles together (any gender mix) to support each other to meet potential partners. Most singles know lots of other singles of both genders, so pool your resources and do some matchmaking for each other!

3. Reach out to people

In today's busy world with cell phones, texting, instant messaging, e-mail, and the internet promoting impersonal ways of interacting with others, it's easy to forget the lost art of engaging with real people that are right in front of you. Make an effort to reach out to the people you come into contact with in your everyday life and watch your relationships blossom.

4. Make more friends

Since most people find their soul mate through someone they know, be open to developing new friendships and expanding your support community. Chances are you already have acquaintances at work and other places that you would enjoy spending more time with. Friends are easier to find than dates, and friendships often last longer than romantic relationships!

5. Get involved

Too many singles lead isolated lives centered around work, home, and a few friends. Participating in clubs, groups, classes, charities, church/temple, is the most important way you can leverage the Law of Attraction to help you find your soul mate. You'll meet new people, make new friends, and pursue hobbies and interests important to you that bring you in contact with other compatible singles.

It's All About Relationships

Technology can help us in many ways. Online dating is a wonderful tool that allows you to leverage your time and meet many more people than you could otherwise. However, let's not forget that humans are social beings and finding your life partner is a relationship goal that is probably more effectively achieved by getting away from your computer as well as using it. You're more likely to find relationship fulfillment by living a full, rich life among real people doing the things you enjoy that make your life meaningful.

As the ancient Roman playwright Terence once said- "Moderation in all things." Do you think he meant the internet as well?

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Celebrate Valentine's Day -- In the Tantric Tradition

By Suzie Heumann

The celebration of St. Valentine's Day began as the Romans' festival to the Goddess of Love Fever, Juno Februata, and included a tradition of writing women's names on strips of paper. Young men would then choose the notes and erotic games would ensue.

Much later, St. Valentine (whom scholars say is mythical) became the patron of lovers. Though the Christian holidays were a much more toned-down affair, the sexual rites of early spring, even in the Middle Ages, involved secret rituals, love potions and spells. How romantic!

Today, you can use ritual to create a magically mesmerizing evening that the two of you will remember for years to come. Combine some of the ideas that follow and use your imagination to create focus and love that will impress your lover and strengthen your sensual bond.

# Make an altar with your partner. Bring together both aspects of yourself and of your union to represent the vision you hold.

# Illuminate! Bring out as many candles as you can find. Arrange them in safe places that balance the energy in the room and create a feeling of warmth and sensual excitement. Save the last one to light together.

# Throughout history, most cultures have used ritual objects for sacred ceremony.

This includes bringing in aspects of the elements -- Fire, Water, Earth and Air -- to help us remember what is important in our lives:

* For Fire, use candles.
* For Water, bathe and bring your favorite drink into the bedroom.
* The representation of Earth can be a massage with particular attention paid to
the feet -- the part of us that walks on the Earth. Also use fruit as a
reminder of the fruits of the Earth.
* Air can be represented by incense, a mirror and the visualization of what you
aspire to as a couple.

# Gift your lover with erotic-looking flowers.

# If you have a deck of Tarot cards, place it on the altar you've created, then do sacred readings for each other. Be relaxed about the interpretations. This isn't serious -- it's fun! Just use your intuition to read the cards' meanings.

# Bring an intention to your lovemaking ritual. At the beginning, face each other, place your right hand on your partner's heart and your left hand over your partner's hand. You are thus holding his or her hand to your heart, and your partner should do the same. Take turns sharing what you love about the other and what you aspire to together during the coming year. Eye gaze and breathe as one for a few minutes before you begin to make love.

# With your partner, explore two new positions from the Kama Sutra. Perhaps a book about the sacred practice would be a good St. Valentine's gift for your lover that the two of you can explore together.

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Can't Take My Eyes Off You: Study Shows The Power Of Attraction

Whether we are seeking a mate or sizing up a potential rival, good-looking people capture our attention nearly instantaneously and render us temporarily helpless to turn our eyes away from them, according to a new Florida State University study.

"It's like magnetism at the level of visual attention," said Jon Maner, an assistant professor of psychology at FSU, who studied the role mating-related motives can play in a psychological phenomenon called attentional adhesion. His findings are published in the September issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

The paper, "Can't Take My Eyes Off You: Attentional Adhesion to Mates and Rivals," is one of the first to show how strongly, quickly and automatically we are attuned to attractive people, he said. FSU graduate students Matthew Gailliot, D. Aaron Rouby and Saul Miller co-authored the study.

In a series of three experiments, Maner and his colleagues found that the study participants, all heterosexual men and women, fixated on highly attractive people within the first half of a second of seeing them. Single folks ogled the opposite sex, of course, but those in committed relationships also checked people out, with one major difference: They were more interested in beautiful people of the same sex.

"If we're interested in finding a mate, our attention gets quickly and automatically stuck on attractive members of the opposite sex," Maner said. "If we're jealous and worried about our partner cheating on us, attention gets quickly and automatically stuck on attractive people of our own sex because they are our competitors."

Maner's research is based on the idea that, through processes of biological evolution, our brains have been designed to strongly and automatically latch on to signs of physical attractiveness in others in order to both find a mate and guard him or her from potential competitors.

"These kinds of attentional biases can occur completely outside of our conscious awareness," he said.

Biology or not, this phenomenon is fraught with potential romantic peril. For example, even some people in committed relationships had difficulty pulling their attention away from images of attractive people of the opposite sex. And fixating on images of perceived romantic rivals could contribute to feelings of insecurity.

Modern technology has enhanced these pitfalls. Although there are people of striking beauty in real life, singer Frankie Valli's pronouncement that "you're just too good to be true" may be the case when it comes to images in movies and magazines or on the Internet.

"It may be helpful to try to minimize our exposure to these images that have probably been 'doctored,'" Maner said. "We should pay attention to all of the regular-looking people out in the world so that we have an appropriate standard of physical beauty. This is important because too much attention to ultra-attractive people can damage self-esteem as well as satisfaction with a current romantic partner."

In the experiments, study participants -- 120 people in the first study and 160 and 162 in the second and third studies, respectively -- completed questionnaires to determine the extent to which they were motivated to seek out members of the opposite sex. They then took part in a series of "priming" activities before they were shown photos of highly attractive men, highly attractive women, average-looking men and average-looking women.

After a photo of one of the faces flashed in one quadrant of a computer screen, the participants were required to shift their attention away from that face to somewhere else on the screen. Using a precise measure of reaction time, Maner found that it took the participants longer to shift their attention away from the photos of the highly attractive people.

Maner said he was surprised that his studies showed little differences between the sexes when it came to fixating on eye-catching people.

"Women paid just as much attention to men as men did to women," he said. "I was also surprised that jealous men paid so much attention to attractive men. Men tend to worry more about other men being more dominant, funny or charismatic than they are. But when it comes to concerns about infidelity, men are very attentive to highly attractive guys because presumably their wives or girlfriends may be too."

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Can I Truly Find Love With Free Internet Dating

How can I find a match with free internet dating?

Free internet dating sites are responsible for many happy matches created on the internet. With the emphasis on dating through the internet, more and more people are searching for love online and these sites have the added ability to search for love without paying a high subscription fee. There are many different sites like these all over the internet, and many people use these sites for finding love and romance. Each one is a little different from the others in the fact that they use different criteria for matching their members.

How do I use one of these sites?

You will use a free internet dating site by signing up for an account. Then you will fill out a profile online and add a picture of yourself. The amount of information that you provide will enable them to find you a match. It is up to you as to how much information you put on your profile. However be careful about putting too much personal information on that site. Most sites will have you put your contact information on there and will only contact you if there is a problem.

How many different types of these sites are there?

There are many different free internet dating sites online. They vary in variety and scope. To find one, all you have to do is Google the term “Internet dating” and you will be presented with many different web sites for your consideration. You may pick and choose from the many that are available to you online. These are a good way to find love online and many have found love online with these sites. It is just a matter of time and patience on your part when using these sites online.

What kinds of these sites are there?

There are free internet dating sites for seniors, teens, gay and lesbian, and those with all sorts of different interests just to name a few of these sites. Since these sites are all free, you will have a good chance to find relationship with just the person that you are looking for. It may take a little time and patience, but your chances are good that you will find a match with your site of choice. With so many different sites to choose from, you would be hard pressed to just enter just one of these sites.

Is this stuff for real?

Yes, this stuff is for real. There is a lot of hype going on about free internet dating. It is good to use for when you really don’t have the time to go out and date. It also offers you a measure of safety when using this type of service. It may sound hokey, but you can find love online by using one of these sites to find it. You will decide how far any dating goes when you are contacted by someone from the web site in question. But you can find romance online.

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